The flight from Moscow to Istanbul was more than two hours delayed but it didn't really matter much. My flight to Singapore was only 21:45 and we arrived 17:30. I had plenty of time to sort my feelings out (or at least part of them), walk around the airport trying to find some nice spices and exchange some SMSs with Yulia.
I was in a grumpy mood and told her that. What I didn't tell her is that she was partially responsible for such mood. Well, not directly - I must say - but indirectly, it was the fact she didn't seem to miss me as much as l missed her that got me upset. Again, not only that but that too.
I started again thinking about the "Mr. Nice Guy" thing. I believe I mentioned this before. Yeah... I think I did. Girls don't like good guys. Good guys are not the 'alpha male'. They all want to find a romantic type, polite and educated, that will treat them as princesses... However, they just can't resist the 'bad guys'. The ones that do not call the day after, the ones that keep them on their toes not knowing whether they are cheating on them or not.
I am the nice guy. Looking for everlasting love. Before Yulia knew that she would SMS me all the time. Now that I have showered her with kisses, caresses and promises of sweet long lasting love, she feels safe. She knows I love her. There's no need to always keep me near, after all "I am hers already".
So she apologised for not replying. She was a bit busy. Please don't get me wrong. As I said before, I do not expect her to be available all the time for me. I cannot do the same for her either. But things changed. They are different. Is this the beginning of our problems? Will she become just like Juliana? Contacting me will cease to be a voluntary action to become a mandatory annoyance? Is it me the one to blame? Am I suffocating them with my constant need for attention? Is it wrong to expect this attention from them when I am all attention to them?
Well, if I am suffocating Yulia, I don't want to do that... So I sent a quick message to say the plane had arrived, that I missed her, that I loved her and that I would SMS again when I arrived in Bangkok. After that I switched off my phone and did not wait for a reply. I'm sure she said something but I didn't want to see it. I'll check in Bangkok, ten hours from now...
Tuesday, 6 January 2004
Good Lord; help me cope...
... cope with these feelings I have. The feeling of missing her. The feeling of abandonment. The feeling things might change now that I am leaving. The insecurity associated with the fact she is so young.
I am at the airport. Where else do I write, anyway? Seems I only manage to update my blog on planes or airports. The flight to Istanbul is delayed. The lady from Turkish Airlines said there were problems in Istanbul and all flights were delayed. No further explanation. I just hope it has nothing to do with the war in Iraq.
I called Yulia a she did not pick up the call. I figured she did not hear the phone so I sent an SMS saying I had called and when she was free she could SMS me back. She did, shortly after. Said indeed she did not hear the phone. She was on the way to the skiing station with her cousin and friends.
I cannot expect life to be any different for her now that I am going away, can I? She will resume doing things she does normally. After all, she is having her school recess. She should be enjoying herself.
But I can't help but wonder whether I was a burden to her during these two weeks as I changed her life completely. Of course she did not act as if I was a burden. She seemed very happy. Acted very happy. Said she was happy. But I still wonder...
I guess I have serious problems. I found out I am obsessive compulsive and seems I am also manic depressive. Needy. Is it normal to need attention like this? Is it ok to feel left alone when I am stuck in the airport and she is having fun?
It is a weird feeling the one I have. Of course I always want her to have fun. I always want her to be happy. But part of me insists there is something wrong. I know I should feel embarrassed for feeling abandoned. It is not her fault the flights are delayed. It's not her fault I am stuck here with nothing to do. Should she keep me company via SMS? I would do it for her. Maybe that is why I feel sad. But love should be about giving always, right? Not taking...
Reminds me of something my father said once. He never made any comments on girlfriends I had but there was this one time he did, when I took a girlfriend to Rio de Janeiro (I lived in Sao Paulo, then). I was very much in love. When were alone together, just he and I, I asked what he thought about her. Then he said: "Oh, she is very sweet. Just remember it is important that she loves you as much or even more than you love her"... It took me a couple of years to understand what he meant.
Am I doing it again? Is there such thing Sheena Easton "hopelessly devoted to you"? Is there such thing as "way too romantic"? Do you really have to pretend not to love someone to be loved more? Is she taking me for granted already? Because of all the attention I give her, because of all the loving words, support etc. Does she feel she cannot loose me and it's ok if I am not always in her mind? Or am I being paranoid? Am I letting myself be carried away by my cravings for attention?
How does love go? How does missing a loved one go? When people say "I miss you", is it just or the sake of saying it? Shouldn't there be a feeling behind the words? What is the "normal" way? I sit here and think about work, football matches, eventually about her and then I think "Let me tell her I miss her because she might like it"? Then I resume thinking about other things and never expect a reply or for her to miss me too? Gee, sounds so phoney! Is this really the way it goes?
I am at the airport. Where else do I write, anyway? Seems I only manage to update my blog on planes or airports. The flight to Istanbul is delayed. The lady from Turkish Airlines said there were problems in Istanbul and all flights were delayed. No further explanation. I just hope it has nothing to do with the war in Iraq.
I called Yulia a she did not pick up the call. I figured she did not hear the phone so I sent an SMS saying I had called and when she was free she could SMS me back. She did, shortly after. Said indeed she did not hear the phone. She was on the way to the skiing station with her cousin and friends.
I cannot expect life to be any different for her now that I am going away, can I? She will resume doing things she does normally. After all, she is having her school recess. She should be enjoying herself.
But I can't help but wonder whether I was a burden to her during these two weeks as I changed her life completely. Of course she did not act as if I was a burden. She seemed very happy. Acted very happy. Said she was happy. But I still wonder...
I guess I have serious problems. I found out I am obsessive compulsive and seems I am also manic depressive. Needy. Is it normal to need attention like this? Is it ok to feel left alone when I am stuck in the airport and she is having fun?
It is a weird feeling the one I have. Of course I always want her to have fun. I always want her to be happy. But part of me insists there is something wrong. I know I should feel embarrassed for feeling abandoned. It is not her fault the flights are delayed. It's not her fault I am stuck here with nothing to do. Should she keep me company via SMS? I would do it for her. Maybe that is why I feel sad. But love should be about giving always, right? Not taking...
Reminds me of something my father said once. He never made any comments on girlfriends I had but there was this one time he did, when I took a girlfriend to Rio de Janeiro (I lived in Sao Paulo, then). I was very much in love. When were alone together, just he and I, I asked what he thought about her. Then he said: "Oh, she is very sweet. Just remember it is important that she loves you as much or even more than you love her"... It took me a couple of years to understand what he meant.
Am I doing it again? Is there such thing Sheena Easton "hopelessly devoted to you"? Is there such thing as "way too romantic"? Do you really have to pretend not to love someone to be loved more? Is she taking me for granted already? Because of all the attention I give her, because of all the loving words, support etc. Does she feel she cannot loose me and it's ok if I am not always in her mind? Or am I being paranoid? Am I letting myself be carried away by my cravings for attention?
How does love go? How does missing a loved one go? When people say "I miss you", is it just or the sake of saying it? Shouldn't there be a feeling behind the words? What is the "normal" way? I sit here and think about work, football matches, eventually about her and then I think "Let me tell her I miss her because she might like it"? Then I resume thinking about other things and never expect a reply or for her to miss me too? Gee, sounds so phoney! Is this really the way it goes?
Monday, 5 January 2004
The sad moment of goodbyes
... and the tears rolled down her face. It happened this morning. So early that the sun could neither witness nor dry them. The cold winter wind caressed her beautiful blonde her, as I watched in owe her angel eyes close and even more tears wet her rosy cheeks.
I had had my share of crying before, on the way to the airport, while softly tracing with the tips of my fingers all the contours of her figure. As much as I tried to hide, she caught me and kissed the tears away, promising me we would not be apart for long.
We were all sad - even her parents. The two weeks I had were enough for me to love the entire family and for the entire family to love me too. So it was no surprise we all were fighting the tears. Alina woke up early to wish me a good flight. The night before, Auntie and uncle came to say goodbye. That morning it was Grandpa. Cousins called. Mom and Dad were very quiet.
Now, hours later, alone in the cold room of Rossia Hotel, I still cry, missing my beautiful Russian Wife. My Baby Girl. My new chance to be happy. Yulia, my Love.
I had had my share of crying before, on the way to the airport, while softly tracing with the tips of my fingers all the contours of her figure. As much as I tried to hide, she caught me and kissed the tears away, promising me we would not be apart for long.
We were all sad - even her parents. The two weeks I had were enough for me to love the entire family and for the entire family to love me too. So it was no surprise we all were fighting the tears. Alina woke up early to wish me a good flight. The night before, Auntie and uncle came to say goodbye. That morning it was Grandpa. Cousins called. Mom and Dad were very quiet.
Now, hours later, alone in the cold room of Rossia Hotel, I still cry, missing my beautiful Russian Wife. My Baby Girl. My new chance to be happy. Yulia, my Love.
Thursday, 25 December 2003
Setting up the Xmas Tree
The day started fairly early yesterday. Not too early because it's not day until around ten o'clock in the morning anyway, but we were all very active already when the sun finally decided to show his face.
When I say 'we', I mean Sergey, Lubov and myself. Yulia and Alina usually are up at 7:30 because school starts at 8:00.
Sergey asked me (Oh, yeah! We can communicate even though he does not speak English) if I wanted to follow him while he prepared a mounting support for the Xmas Tree he intended to buy. I followed.
We went to a small garage, converted into a storage room, where his father keeps tools like saws and welding machines. Once there I helped (not too much, I'm afraid) measuring and sawing three metal bars he intended to weld to a cylinder he found. The cylinder was hallow and would be great to out the trunk of the tree in. The bars, once welded should keep the cylinder upright. Sawing the bars ended up being more work than he expected so he decided to have someone else do the welding.
We went to Slava's Car Repair Shop. I was very much surprised to see such a big modern shop in a small town like Tchaikovsky. Slave proudly shows pictures of the work done at his shop. Cars that had turned over we repaired to the smallest details. The painting job was incredibly good. He even has a computer to mix Pantone colours to mach specific colours from specific brands and years of cars. Quite amazing, really.
While his employees worked on the welding of our Xmas Tree Base, we talked. I realized that the more I hear the language the easier it becomes to pick up words or even entire conversations, though I do not speak.
For example, Slava asked Sergey if he could speak English and Sergey said no. Then he asked how do you talk to each other then? Sergey explained we managed and mentioned he was very surprised to see I could read Russian. Well, it's not like I can get a book and devour it in a couple of hours but I have been here for three days and I am picking up the language. Let's say I have the reading skills of a 7-year-old. I stumble into difficult words, stress the wrong syllable but I am reading. Slava, then, told Sergey about a guy he met in France. The guy could not speak any French at first but not long time later he was able to find his way around. He mentioned, wisely I would say, that this happens when you speak more than a language. Things start making more sense. It is true. So many words in Russian are similar to their English, Portuguese, Spanish or whatever.
For example, shops are 'magazines'. In English a magazine is a totally different thing but in Portuguese (old Portuguese, anyway) it is a place where you can buy goods.
I was surprised I could understand the entire conversation. By the time I live Russia I will be speaking at least a bit. Won't that be cool?
With the welding of the tree base done, we went to buy the tree itself. Unfortunately all places we tried were closed. You see, their Xmas Trees are real, not plastic ones. So we had to go to the periphery of Tchaikovsky to buy the tree. A very rural area, with small farms. The farmers don't really sit there waiting for customers. They have better things to do, I figure. As a result, we got home with no Xmas Tree.
Yulia and Alina were waiting for us for lunch, poor girls. It was already past 3 in the afternoon when we arrived. After lunch, Sergey and Alina went out to find a tree. Yulia and I stayed behind. Mom was at the 'magazine'... Well... It was a wonderful afternoon.
When Sergey returned, shortly after Mom called to say she was on her way home (may God bless this woman; gotta love her!).
When he arrived he had this big, natural Xmas tree he went into the woods to get. Alina mentioned they were knee deep in snow and that it had been fun. To that Yulia whispered in English so they could not understand even if they had heard "we had fun too"... She's just too cute!
When Mom arrived we put the Xmas Tree on its base and started decorating it. It was he first time in my life I did that. First time also I really put presents under the tree. I was very happy.
Little did I know things would not be so nice later in the evening.
We went for dinner with Igor, Yulia's cousin, and Olga, his girlfriend. Very nice folks that I met before. I wanted to go some place nice but Tchaikovsky is too small and the options are limited. We ended up in the Butterfly Cafe, again, where Yulia had her usual ice-cream and I had, just for lack of option, an instant coffee.
I took the opportunity to call my parents and wish them a Merry Xmas. Yulia was a bit embarrassed to talk to them. Even to talk to my cousin, Soraya, who happens to speak a little Russian, being married to a Russian man. I was a bit disappointed but it was ok. I understand him being shy and all.
What happened was, we left the Butterfly Cafe and went to a restaurant. There, for the first time I was sad with Yulia.
I usually say that "What I do not know, the Devil will whisper in my ears". I can't explain why - maybe I am just too susceptible to signs - but I can sense things. And suddenly I sensed Yulia was talking about me to Igor and Olga.
She does all the time, I know, but this was different. It was not regular conversation, small talk or anything alike. How can I explain it? Let's put it like this: if I was recording all the conversation she had with people about me, that specific bit would be the one she would be embarrassed to have translated. Do you get the idea? That was the very first time she was using the language barrier against me. Specifically happy I could not understand what she was saying.
Well, we talked and she swore I was wrong. She explained she was actually complaining about her mom and since she was not using 'nice' words, her body language might have led me to believe she was trying to hide from me. Which she was, but not what l thought. I'm willing to give her the benefit of doubt. Besides, between us, true or not her explanation was quite convincing.
All's well when it ends well.
When I say 'we', I mean Sergey, Lubov and myself. Yulia and Alina usually are up at 7:30 because school starts at 8:00.
Sergey asked me (Oh, yeah! We can communicate even though he does not speak English) if I wanted to follow him while he prepared a mounting support for the Xmas Tree he intended to buy. I followed.
We went to a small garage, converted into a storage room, where his father keeps tools like saws and welding machines. Once there I helped (not too much, I'm afraid) measuring and sawing three metal bars he intended to weld to a cylinder he found. The cylinder was hallow and would be great to out the trunk of the tree in. The bars, once welded should keep the cylinder upright. Sawing the bars ended up being more work than he expected so he decided to have someone else do the welding.
We went to Slava's Car Repair Shop. I was very much surprised to see such a big modern shop in a small town like Tchaikovsky. Slave proudly shows pictures of the work done at his shop. Cars that had turned over we repaired to the smallest details. The painting job was incredibly good. He even has a computer to mix Pantone colours to mach specific colours from specific brands and years of cars. Quite amazing, really.
While his employees worked on the welding of our Xmas Tree Base, we talked. I realized that the more I hear the language the easier it becomes to pick up words or even entire conversations, though I do not speak.
For example, Slava asked Sergey if he could speak English and Sergey said no. Then he asked how do you talk to each other then? Sergey explained we managed and mentioned he was very surprised to see I could read Russian. Well, it's not like I can get a book and devour it in a couple of hours but I have been here for three days and I am picking up the language. Let's say I have the reading skills of a 7-year-old. I stumble into difficult words, stress the wrong syllable but I am reading. Slava, then, told Sergey about a guy he met in France. The guy could not speak any French at first but not long time later he was able to find his way around. He mentioned, wisely I would say, that this happens when you speak more than a language. Things start making more sense. It is true. So many words in Russian are similar to their English, Portuguese, Spanish or whatever.
For example, shops are 'magazines'. In English a magazine is a totally different thing but in Portuguese (old Portuguese, anyway) it is a place where you can buy goods.
I was surprised I could understand the entire conversation. By the time I live Russia I will be speaking at least a bit. Won't that be cool?
With the welding of the tree base done, we went to buy the tree itself. Unfortunately all places we tried were closed. You see, their Xmas Trees are real, not plastic ones. So we had to go to the periphery of Tchaikovsky to buy the tree. A very rural area, with small farms. The farmers don't really sit there waiting for customers. They have better things to do, I figure. As a result, we got home with no Xmas Tree.
Yulia and Alina were waiting for us for lunch, poor girls. It was already past 3 in the afternoon when we arrived. After lunch, Sergey and Alina went out to find a tree. Yulia and I stayed behind. Mom was at the 'magazine'... Well... It was a wonderful afternoon.
When Sergey returned, shortly after Mom called to say she was on her way home (may God bless this woman; gotta love her!).
When he arrived he had this big, natural Xmas tree he went into the woods to get. Alina mentioned they were knee deep in snow and that it had been fun. To that Yulia whispered in English so they could not understand even if they had heard "we had fun too"... She's just too cute!
When Mom arrived we put the Xmas Tree on its base and started decorating it. It was he first time in my life I did that. First time also I really put presents under the tree. I was very happy.
Little did I know things would not be so nice later in the evening.
We went for dinner with Igor, Yulia's cousin, and Olga, his girlfriend. Very nice folks that I met before. I wanted to go some place nice but Tchaikovsky is too small and the options are limited. We ended up in the Butterfly Cafe, again, where Yulia had her usual ice-cream and I had, just for lack of option, an instant coffee.
I took the opportunity to call my parents and wish them a Merry Xmas. Yulia was a bit embarrassed to talk to them. Even to talk to my cousin, Soraya, who happens to speak a little Russian, being married to a Russian man. I was a bit disappointed but it was ok. I understand him being shy and all.
What happened was, we left the Butterfly Cafe and went to a restaurant. There, for the first time I was sad with Yulia.
I usually say that "What I do not know, the Devil will whisper in my ears". I can't explain why - maybe I am just too susceptible to signs - but I can sense things. And suddenly I sensed Yulia was talking about me to Igor and Olga.
She does all the time, I know, but this was different. It was not regular conversation, small talk or anything alike. How can I explain it? Let's put it like this: if I was recording all the conversation she had with people about me, that specific bit would be the one she would be embarrassed to have translated. Do you get the idea? That was the very first time she was using the language barrier against me. Specifically happy I could not understand what she was saying.
Well, we talked and she swore I was wrong. She explained she was actually complaining about her mom and since she was not using 'nice' words, her body language might have led me to believe she was trying to hide from me. Which she was, but not what l thought. I'm willing to give her the benefit of doubt. Besides, between us, true or not her explanation was quite convincing.
All's well when it ends well.
Wednesday, 24 December 2003
Un altro giorno se ne va
What a beautiful day yesterday was. Yulia came home early from school and we had a chance to spend more time together. After lunch, Alina, her sister went out with friends and Mom went to her shop (she has a store and sells high quality winter and leather clothes). Left alone, we had some time for ourselves. We packed Xmas presents, talked a lot and even misbehaved a bit. Just a bit! Needless to say my insecurities were all washed away.
Later in the afternoon, after Mom called to check if everything was alright, we went out. My Baby Girl became very sad she had to remove the piercing she did in her belly button. The one they gave her was too heavy and the skin was inflamed and getting thinner. If she did not remove it, it would probably break. That would be a pity because she has one of those cute belly buttons.
Later in the afternoon, after Mom called to check if everything was alright, we went out. My Baby Girl became very sad she had to remove the piercing she did in her belly button. The one they gave her was too heavy and the skin was inflamed and getting thinner. If she did not remove it, it would probably break. That would be a pity because she has one of those cute belly buttons.
Monday, 22 December 2003
The end of the second day
I was right... She is indeed sorting her own feelings, trying to gather information, analysing bits and pieces to decide: Do I want to marry this guy?
She won't let me in on her thoughts, of course, but when I look into her eyes I can almost see the table of judges raising their white signs with my score every time I do something. So far the crowd did not 'boo' me off the stage. I can say the total accumulated score is good by her actions but unfortunately that is no guarantee of a happy ending. As the saying goes, "It's not over until the fat lady sings".
She is always sweet and caring. Makes it hard not to make comparisons. For example, before we leave the house to the cold snow covered streets, she will lovingly help me with my scarf, making sure my neck is covered and protected from the cold. She holds my hand when the ground is slippery and my arm whenever we are going up or down a set of stairs, not because she's afraid she'll fall but because she's afraid I will. She also gives me 'room to breathe', not clinging too much all the time though I would not mind if she did.
Her folks are also very kind and though I'm sure they have an eye on us, they are extremely discreet and never unpleasant. I just know they have their concerns because I would, too. But I think they like me and I'm even learning some Russian to talk to them.
No matter what happens, this is one experience to cherish.
She won't let me in on her thoughts, of course, but when I look into her eyes I can almost see the table of judges raising their white signs with my score every time I do something. So far the crowd did not 'boo' me off the stage. I can say the total accumulated score is good by her actions but unfortunately that is no guarantee of a happy ending. As the saying goes, "It's not over until the fat lady sings".
She is always sweet and caring. Makes it hard not to make comparisons. For example, before we leave the house to the cold snow covered streets, she will lovingly help me with my scarf, making sure my neck is covered and protected from the cold. She holds my hand when the ground is slippery and my arm whenever we are going up or down a set of stairs, not because she's afraid she'll fall but because she's afraid I will. She also gives me 'room to breathe', not clinging too much all the time though I would not mind if she did.
Her folks are also very kind and though I'm sure they have an eye on us, they are extremely discreet and never unpleasant. I just know they have their concerns because I would, too. But I think they like me and I'm even learning some Russian to talk to them.
No matter what happens, this is one experience to cherish.
Sunday, 21 December 2003
When insecurity sets in
Of course it had to happen sometime. The first day was almost perfect. Nothing much happened apart from a quick stroll through the town centre, some hand-in-hand walk by frozen Kama River, bad coffee in a small cafe near Mom's shop and a stop to watch 'Kill Bill', Tarantino's latest movie.
Everything fine. Well, actually I will have to watch the movie again some other time. No, no, no... I was not being naughty at the cinema, no. That is not the reason I have to watch the movie again. I have to watch it again because we did not know the movie was dubbed in Russian with no subtitles whatsoever. What do you do then? As I watched, people around me laughed and 'wowed' to the clever dialogs and action scenes. I did not mind the movie too much, startled by Yulia's smile and soft skin. Erm... Never mind.
Something happened, though. After we got back home to meet Mom, Dad and Sis for dinner out, my Baby Girl became very quiet. I don't know if she was sad, pissed with something or what. Maybe she was tired, having to speak in English all the time and translating the dialogues back and forth, English to Russian, Russian to English as I happily talked with her parents. I asked if anything was wrong. She said no but would not elaborate.
Of course I thought I had done something or said something, either to her or to her family and she got upset. I must be really sick or have a very low self steam... Or maybe I think the world revolves around me. I don't know. I noticed I always tend to think it's my fault. Anyway...
I had the impression she grew a bit distant. Of course I cannot expect her to be available all the time or even smiling all the time but it occurred to me that maybe was evaluating our first day together. That's when insecurity comes into play. Was I good enough?
You don't get a second chance to make a first impression, you know. I truly believe her folks liked me but... Did she?
Everything fine. Well, actually I will have to watch the movie again some other time. No, no, no... I was not being naughty at the cinema, no. That is not the reason I have to watch the movie again. I have to watch it again because we did not know the movie was dubbed in Russian with no subtitles whatsoever. What do you do then? As I watched, people around me laughed and 'wowed' to the clever dialogs and action scenes. I did not mind the movie too much, startled by Yulia's smile and soft skin. Erm... Never mind.
Something happened, though. After we got back home to meet Mom, Dad and Sis for dinner out, my Baby Girl became very quiet. I don't know if she was sad, pissed with something or what. Maybe she was tired, having to speak in English all the time and translating the dialogues back and forth, English to Russian, Russian to English as I happily talked with her parents. I asked if anything was wrong. She said no but would not elaborate.
Of course I thought I had done something or said something, either to her or to her family and she got upset. I must be really sick or have a very low self steam... Or maybe I think the world revolves around me. I don't know. I noticed I always tend to think it's my fault. Anyway...
I had the impression she grew a bit distant. Of course I cannot expect her to be available all the time or even smiling all the time but it occurred to me that maybe was evaluating our first day together. That's when insecurity comes into play. Was I good enough?
You don't get a second chance to make a first impression, you know. I truly believe her folks liked me but... Did she?
Saturday, 20 December 2003
The first Day
It's very early in the morning here. I guess it should be almost noon back at home. Despite the fact I went to bed very late, I'm already awake, my mind racing, recollecting recent events. Ladies and gentleman of the jury, she is the most adorable thing in the world. I can't explain the magical aura that surrounds her being. And though I know she is only human, right now I just don't seem to recognise her possible flaws. I am happy and warm with her in my life...
But I am getting ahead of myself. Do forgive me for this unavailable state of awe. I am in Russia. One place in the world I did not quite though I would see. I begin my travel last Friday at 10:00pm. I flew from Singapore to Bangkok, Bangkok to Istanbul, Istanbul to Moscow, Moscow to Izhevsk, rode a car from Izhevsk to a small town called Chaikovsky, more than 14,000 kilometres from my point of origin, just to meet her... The one girl who has been giving me hopes of a happy life again: Yulia, my precious Russian princess.
And she is more than I could have hoped for. It is no wonder her kindness and beauty show so clearly in her emails, SMSs and pictures; she seems to be love personified. As a friend said: a goddess. She is indeed. And if this goddess in tiny form accepts me, in exchange for daily doses of her love, I'll be her servant, making her the one and only in my life.
But I am getting ahead of myself. Do forgive me for this unavailable state of awe. I am in Russia. One place in the world I did not quite though I would see. I begin my travel last Friday at 10:00pm. I flew from Singapore to Bangkok, Bangkok to Istanbul, Istanbul to Moscow, Moscow to Izhevsk, rode a car from Izhevsk to a small town called Chaikovsky, more than 14,000 kilometres from my point of origin, just to meet her... The one girl who has been giving me hopes of a happy life again: Yulia, my precious Russian princess.
And she is more than I could have hoped for. It is no wonder her kindness and beauty show so clearly in her emails, SMSs and pictures; she seems to be love personified. As a friend said: a goddess. She is indeed. And if this goddess in tiny form accepts me, in exchange for daily doses of her love, I'll be her servant, making her the one and only in my life.
Sunday, 23 November 2003
A Brief Update
Yep. It's that time again. Time to put things in writing after a long period. A lot happened but unfortunately I could not write sooner. As it seems to be most of the time, I am having this 'writing' break at the airport.
I'm going to Manila again for another round of fun. Well, this is said with some sarcasm I must admit but it would be unfair to say I did not have fun. Work was had for three weeks and during those days, my last visit, when my alleged 'discovery session' became a project in the blink of an eye, I barely had time for myself.
I was working over 12 hours a day. Some days almost 16. Take that out of a 24 hour day and you'll notice time left for sleeping or having fun isn't much.
But as I said, it would be unfair to say I didn't have fun. I was very lucky to be working with a good friend from a previous project. His good moods, funny ways and light-hearted approach to problems helped a lot in maintaining my faith in the project and in myself.
The fact he's a great programmer also helped, of course. Most of the integration effort was pushed to the Agent's Desktop Application, which he developed from scratch in record time. I never saw this before, honestly. And I've been with the company for quite a while now. I wish it was that simple to integrate with Siebel or Onyx (Oooh, talking about Onyx reminds me of RHB - Malaysia... Lets change subject quick!).
The pressure of the work was nevertheless enormous. My good friend and I were bombarded with requests and problems to solve. Things got better when Super Itty Bitty came to rescue, send by the Almighty Powers of Paul.
I was proud that I had everything installed and working before Itty Bitty actually got on site. But of course, he had valuable information and configuration to make things work better, explaining to e, my friend and the end customer the ‘what’s, ‘why’s and ‘when’s of everything. Boy, he's good!
Yulia's messages also helped keeping me sane. She's just adorable. Gotta love the girl, honestly. Things are going pretty ok and the plans of spending Xmas and New Year with her are still valid. As soon as I return from this trip, I should have my VISA to Russia and my flight schedule ready.
She's very excited and so am I. Of course doubts still haunt us both. Will she like me? Will I like her? Can we really get married and live happily ever after?
Statistics say these internet relationships last 6 months. It would be a pity if that was the case. I hope w do not end up as statistics.
Some good friends are really glad we are together. They can see how happy I am and they are happy for me. Others are worried, they care about me and know this is risky business. I know that. But living is risky business, isn't it? The only way you can be really safe is by dying. After that nothing matters anymore. But until that day, a day that is going to come to all of us, isn't it safe - pun intended - to say we're unsafe?
C'mon, think about it. You can hide in a farm, away from traffic, crime, modern age diseases and still die by tripping on a rock or due to a sudden thunder storm. Silly? Funny? Maybe, yes. But true, notwithstanding!
We all heard story of people who survived car crashes and died chocking on a piece of meat or slipping on a banana peel.
If life is so unsafe and death is the ultimate risk what have I to loose to put my cards on this unusual relationship? I risk a broken heart. Yes... I know... But I had many already. By know I can tell you from experience: it hurts but it will heal with time.
I'm going to Manila again for another round of fun. Well, this is said with some sarcasm I must admit but it would be unfair to say I did not have fun. Work was had for three weeks and during those days, my last visit, when my alleged 'discovery session' became a project in the blink of an eye, I barely had time for myself.
I was working over 12 hours a day. Some days almost 16. Take that out of a 24 hour day and you'll notice time left for sleeping or having fun isn't much.
But as I said, it would be unfair to say I didn't have fun. I was very lucky to be working with a good friend from a previous project. His good moods, funny ways and light-hearted approach to problems helped a lot in maintaining my faith in the project and in myself.
The fact he's a great programmer also helped, of course. Most of the integration effort was pushed to the Agent's Desktop Application, which he developed from scratch in record time. I never saw this before, honestly. And I've been with the company for quite a while now. I wish it was that simple to integrate with Siebel or Onyx (Oooh, talking about Onyx reminds me of RHB - Malaysia... Lets change subject quick!).
The pressure of the work was nevertheless enormous. My good friend and I were bombarded with requests and problems to solve. Things got better when Super Itty Bitty came to rescue, send by the Almighty Powers of Paul.
I was proud that I had everything installed and working before Itty Bitty actually got on site. But of course, he had valuable information and configuration to make things work better, explaining to e, my friend and the end customer the ‘what’s, ‘why’s and ‘when’s of everything. Boy, he's good!
Yulia's messages also helped keeping me sane. She's just adorable. Gotta love the girl, honestly. Things are going pretty ok and the plans of spending Xmas and New Year with her are still valid. As soon as I return from this trip, I should have my VISA to Russia and my flight schedule ready.
She's very excited and so am I. Of course doubts still haunt us both. Will she like me? Will I like her? Can we really get married and live happily ever after?
Statistics say these internet relationships last 6 months. It would be a pity if that was the case. I hope w do not end up as statistics.
Some good friends are really glad we are together. They can see how happy I am and they are happy for me. Others are worried, they care about me and know this is risky business. I know that. But living is risky business, isn't it? The only way you can be really safe is by dying. After that nothing matters anymore. But until that day, a day that is going to come to all of us, isn't it safe - pun intended - to say we're unsafe?
C'mon, think about it. You can hide in a farm, away from traffic, crime, modern age diseases and still die by tripping on a rock or due to a sudden thunder storm. Silly? Funny? Maybe, yes. But true, notwithstanding!
We all heard story of people who survived car crashes and died chocking on a piece of meat or slipping on a banana peel.
If life is so unsafe and death is the ultimate risk what have I to loose to put my cards on this unusual relationship? I risk a broken heart. Yes... I know... But I had many already. By know I can tell you from experience: it hurts but it will heal with time.
Sunday, 12 October 2003
The Matchbox definition
“[...] But I'm not crazy; I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay a while and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be [...]”
I know right now you can't tell
But stay a while and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be [...]”
Wednesday, 8 October 2003
From Russia, with love
I can't stop thinking of my Sweet Russian Girlfriend. She's already part of my life. I'm so infatuated I am surprised. We exchange messages everyday, several times a day, either via SMS or email. And we are so connected that if I think of her, a couple of minutes later she will write me and vice-versa.
It's pretty much what J and I used to have, the difference being whenever I had the feeling J was thinking of me she would usually be doing something wrong...
Yulia also seems to 'feel' when something is bothering me. When she does, she's got such a nice non-intrusive way of asking me what the problem is that her being so tactful makes me smile. She's adorable.
We're talking marriage already. The plan is to meet end of this year or begin of next year, spend sometime together to assess marriage is the right thing to do and if so, get married in June.
I mentioned the plans to my sister and she got a bit concerned... "Don't you think it's too soon? You barely know her!!!" Yeah, of course it is soon but does is really matter? Sometimes you spend years with someone just to find out you never really knew that person. What's the difference?
It's pretty much what J and I used to have, the difference being whenever I had the feeling J was thinking of me she would usually be doing something wrong...
Yulia also seems to 'feel' when something is bothering me. When she does, she's got such a nice non-intrusive way of asking me what the problem is that her being so tactful makes me smile. She's adorable.
We're talking marriage already. The plan is to meet end of this year or begin of next year, spend sometime together to assess marriage is the right thing to do and if so, get married in June.
I mentioned the plans to my sister and she got a bit concerned... "Don't you think it's too soon? You barely know her!!!" Yeah, of course it is soon but does is really matter? Sometimes you spend years with someone just to find out you never really knew that person. What's the difference?
Sunday, 5 October 2003
OIC, BBQ, BKK & GVP
Back from Malaysia, on the way to Bangkok. Turns out my visit to KL wasn't so bad after all. The customer is still clueless and things are still delayed - much to the end user annoyance - but at least our part is safe. Some damage control was all we needed, even though there was no problem in the first place. It took us, BK and I, exact 10 minutes on the server room to put things to work. All we did was start the software and - Voila - all worked. A couple of meetings with the chickens and we were out of there. Well, BK and WT were; I stayed for another day as requested by the end user.
I managed to get back home before the OIC meeting really started. Trust me, unless you are a Muslim Official, you don't want to be there. Do not get me wrong, it has nothing to do with the religion. It's just that traffic jams are the rule rather than the exception and with all the preparations for the summit, the problem just gets worse.
So I got back home on Friday afternoon, on time to do some grocery shopping for the Saturday BBQ. I'm getting older, you see. Tomorrow I'll be turning 36. Joseph, my landlord and friend was very kind to suggest lunch at his place in celebration to my birthday. But after giving it some thought I decided to spare him the trouble and prepare a BBQ at home instead. It was quite good I'd say, though I was a bit concerned about BK. He's vegetarian and apart from the salad there wasn't much for him to eat.
I rested all day on Sunday, organising my DVD collection and chatting to Yulia over SMS. Oh, she is really adorable. I think this is it: she's the one. She already has me so infatuated that J became someone from the past. Yes, she's that good.
Of course J still shows up now and then but if at first I'd keep thinking about her, why it didn't work between us and if it would be any different should we give it another try, now I find myself annoyed by her persistent attempts to try again. Her sweetness sounds fake and I can feel her desperate to act understanding and changed. Somewhat pitiful, I would say.
The relationship with Yulia, on the other hand, just keeps getting better. Well, if you can call this a relationship, that is. I mean, she's still there on the other side of the world. But we are making plans. And I am glad to announce my plans to get married next year might become a reality.
We are talking about June. Sounds far but time flies. I will have a couple of months to save some money for flight tickets and marriage expenses (the income tax and the operation exhausted my funds). I should travel to Russia end of the year, spend Xmas and New Year with her, come back, save some more money, bring her over to spend a month and then return for the marriage. After that we can go to Brazil and I will introduce her to my family. Good Lah!!!
She has given me new strength to fight the good fight, you know? I feel more motivated. I can feel things getting better. Even the illness did not put me down. It's all about attitude, I know. But that is exactly my point. She makes me face life with better attitude and that makes everything else better.
Even the travels are starting again. After a period of inactivity, I was beginning to get bored. But now I am getting busy again. I was in Malaysia last week, this week I am going to Thailand and next week I am probably flying to the Philippines. And I am loving it!
Last week was only troubleshooting at RHB. This week I will be 'shadowing' Simon, a consultant from Australia who is coming to Bangkok to install GVP to Samart. I am just tagging along as this is going to be my first contact with the tool. Then, my return to the Philippines after a loooong time is for a brief POC for a local contact centre outsourcer. Nothing special, just a blended OCS environment. That will put my knowledge to proof.
It's going to be a busy month, I am sure. But again, that is good. Time flies when you are having fun.
I managed to get back home before the OIC meeting really started. Trust me, unless you are a Muslim Official, you don't want to be there. Do not get me wrong, it has nothing to do with the religion. It's just that traffic jams are the rule rather than the exception and with all the preparations for the summit, the problem just gets worse.
So I got back home on Friday afternoon, on time to do some grocery shopping for the Saturday BBQ. I'm getting older, you see. Tomorrow I'll be turning 36. Joseph, my landlord and friend was very kind to suggest lunch at his place in celebration to my birthday. But after giving it some thought I decided to spare him the trouble and prepare a BBQ at home instead. It was quite good I'd say, though I was a bit concerned about BK. He's vegetarian and apart from the salad there wasn't much for him to eat.
I rested all day on Sunday, organising my DVD collection and chatting to Yulia over SMS. Oh, she is really adorable. I think this is it: she's the one. She already has me so infatuated that J became someone from the past. Yes, she's that good.
Of course J still shows up now and then but if at first I'd keep thinking about her, why it didn't work between us and if it would be any different should we give it another try, now I find myself annoyed by her persistent attempts to try again. Her sweetness sounds fake and I can feel her desperate to act understanding and changed. Somewhat pitiful, I would say.
The relationship with Yulia, on the other hand, just keeps getting better. Well, if you can call this a relationship, that is. I mean, she's still there on the other side of the world. But we are making plans. And I am glad to announce my plans to get married next year might become a reality.
We are talking about June. Sounds far but time flies. I will have a couple of months to save some money for flight tickets and marriage expenses (the income tax and the operation exhausted my funds). I should travel to Russia end of the year, spend Xmas and New Year with her, come back, save some more money, bring her over to spend a month and then return for the marriage. After that we can go to Brazil and I will introduce her to my family. Good Lah!!!
She has given me new strength to fight the good fight, you know? I feel more motivated. I can feel things getting better. Even the illness did not put me down. It's all about attitude, I know. But that is exactly my point. She makes me face life with better attitude and that makes everything else better.
Even the travels are starting again. After a period of inactivity, I was beginning to get bored. But now I am getting busy again. I was in Malaysia last week, this week I am going to Thailand and next week I am probably flying to the Philippines. And I am loving it!
Last week was only troubleshooting at RHB. This week I will be 'shadowing' Simon, a consultant from Australia who is coming to Bangkok to install GVP to Samart. I am just tagging along as this is going to be my first contact with the tool. Then, my return to the Philippines after a loooong time is for a brief POC for a local contact centre outsourcer. Nothing special, just a blended OCS environment. That will put my knowledge to proof.
It's going to be a busy month, I am sure. But again, that is good. Time flies when you are having fun.
Tuesday, 30 September 2003
Preparing for battle
So... Today I have this 'finger pointing' session to attend to. Not unusual, unfortunately. The only thing that bothers me is that there would be no problem if I didn't happen to fall sick. In my absence, the development team from the project had a question, I wasn't available to answer, the message was forwarded to my 'colleague' who did not really bother to understand the background of the project before brusquely saying the software version was defective and they should upgrade and telling my supporters on site they were 'incompetent' to perform the tasks I assigned them.
Now, let me put it like this: The guys dealing with the development team have not been trained but they have been doing hands on for some time and compared to the others working in the project they are the most knowledgeable folks we have available. They are my eyes and hands when I am not around. Telling them they are incompetent is definitely an approach we should avoid.
As a result, I had to do some damage control when they said “if we are incompetent, we won't touch the servers anymore - you come and fix your own stuff”. Great, isn't it? That did not help me any.
The other problem was, prior to beginning this project, the customer asked us if they would have to upgrade the software version. There would be no extra charge for that BUT there would be a different approach on implementing the solution and that meant more money for the development team. They did not have the budget so we all agreed we would stick to the version they had. Functionality would be limited but sufficient to attend to their expected features.
When my fellow co-worker said the software was “buggy”, could not provide the features they wanted and they should upgrade (he went as far as to sending them the new version) he created a 'trust' problem. The end user started questioning if we actually knew what we were talking about when we suggested they retained their software version. Worst, they started asking if they should believe us when we said the new version, soon to be implemented in a new project, was compatible. They feared they would make the change and later on they would be informed that “the version they were using was buggy too”.
Do you see the problem? I am not sure if I am making myself understood but I can tell you it was messy. Those were the reasons for our 'finger pointing' session today. But everything will be fine, I know. All's well when it ends well and the damage control has been done.
Now, let me put it like this: The guys dealing with the development team have not been trained but they have been doing hands on for some time and compared to the others working in the project they are the most knowledgeable folks we have available. They are my eyes and hands when I am not around. Telling them they are incompetent is definitely an approach we should avoid.
As a result, I had to do some damage control when they said “if we are incompetent, we won't touch the servers anymore - you come and fix your own stuff”. Great, isn't it? That did not help me any.
The other problem was, prior to beginning this project, the customer asked us if they would have to upgrade the software version. There would be no extra charge for that BUT there would be a different approach on implementing the solution and that meant more money for the development team. They did not have the budget so we all agreed we would stick to the version they had. Functionality would be limited but sufficient to attend to their expected features.
When my fellow co-worker said the software was “buggy”, could not provide the features they wanted and they should upgrade (he went as far as to sending them the new version) he created a 'trust' problem. The end user started questioning if we actually knew what we were talking about when we suggested they retained their software version. Worst, they started asking if they should believe us when we said the new version, soon to be implemented in a new project, was compatible. They feared they would make the change and later on they would be informed that “the version they were using was buggy too”.
Do you see the problem? I am not sure if I am making myself understood but I can tell you it was messy. Those were the reasons for our 'finger pointing' session today. But everything will be fine, I know. All's well when it ends well and the damage control has been done.
Monday, 29 September 2003
On the road again
Motion generates motion. And this re-appearing act, though a bit premature if health conditions are considered, is more than welcome to put an end to the marasm that was taking over my life.
I'm on my way to KL. Yes, I'm on the road again. And, boy I'm happy!
I'm on my way to KL. Yes, I'm on the road again. And, boy I'm happy!
Customer service? What's that? (Part II)
Maybe I am indeed getting old and grumpy as time passes. Or maybe I just refuse to accept bad customer service. I tell you a brief story and you judge for yourself...
My ATM card was about to break. Since I needed to go to the bank to withdraw some money to pay my credit card, I decided to replace it while there.
I joined the queue and waited for a couple of minutes. When it was finally my turn, I showed the card to the lady at the counter and explained I wanted it replaced before it was spoiled to the point I could not use it anymore. That's when the problems begun.
- Do you have your IC?
- No. I have my PIN, though.
- Sorry, I can't replace your card then.
- Why?
- Because I can't validate who you are.
- But I am not Singaporean. I do not have an IC!
- Do you have your passport with you?
- No. But I do not have to carry it around.
- You do.
- No, I do not.
At this point, her supervisor noticed something was happening and came to help.
- Can I help?
- He wants to get a new ATM Card.
- Ok, can I have your passport please?
- I do not have it with me.
- Then we cannot help, Sir.
- Why?
- We need the passport to verify you are the account owner.
- I do not have to carry my passport with me. Do you have yours with you?
- Well, your IC then.
- I am not Singaporean. I do not have an IC.
- But your work here, do you?
- Yes, and I have this account for three years already.
- Can I see your employment pass?
- Listen, how would my employment pass help you check I am who I say I am? It has no pictures and you do not have the equipment to check if it's fake or not.
- For your own protection we need some photo identification.
- For my own protection I have my PIN which is what the documents I signed when opening the account said would identify me to the bank!
- Oh, you do have your PIN?
- Of course! All you need is my PIN, nothing else. I can sign the same way, I have other cards with me, I can validate information like birthday, address and phone for you; I don't see why you can't replace my card! I am the customer. Aren't you supposed to make things easier for me?
Then she frowned, asked me to sign a piece of paper to check my signature, asked me to enter my PIN on the machine, asked me to answer a few questions and authorised the card replacement with a remark that next time I should carry my passport. Humph...
But it doesn't end there!
When the cashier gave me my new card I asked if she would withdraw some money for me.
- You can withdraw from the ATM machine in the front of the bank.
- Say what?!? No, I can't. Can you do it for me without me having to beg?
She got the card and asked how much. Four thousand, a hundred and fifty, I said.
- Oh, that amount you can't withdraw from the ATM.
- Exactly! I said without looking at her.
Now, tell me. Am I asking for too much? Are they doing me a favour? Should I be grateful for their benevolence in providing me with service I pay for anyway?
I decided to close the account. I am moving to Citibank. I will have problem with them too, I am sure. But I hope it would be less annoying than these bozos from OCBC.
My ATM card was about to break. Since I needed to go to the bank to withdraw some money to pay my credit card, I decided to replace it while there.
I joined the queue and waited for a couple of minutes. When it was finally my turn, I showed the card to the lady at the counter and explained I wanted it replaced before it was spoiled to the point I could not use it anymore. That's when the problems begun.
- Do you have your IC?
- No. I have my PIN, though.
- Sorry, I can't replace your card then.
- Why?
- Because I can't validate who you are.
- But I am not Singaporean. I do not have an IC!
- Do you have your passport with you?
- No. But I do not have to carry it around.
- You do.
- No, I do not.
At this point, her supervisor noticed something was happening and came to help.
- Can I help?
- He wants to get a new ATM Card.
- Ok, can I have your passport please?
- I do not have it with me.
- Then we cannot help, Sir.
- Why?
- We need the passport to verify you are the account owner.
- I do not have to carry my passport with me. Do you have yours with you?
- Well, your IC then.
- I am not Singaporean. I do not have an IC.
- But your work here, do you?
- Yes, and I have this account for three years already.
- Can I see your employment pass?
- Listen, how would my employment pass help you check I am who I say I am? It has no pictures and you do not have the equipment to check if it's fake or not.
- For your own protection we need some photo identification.
- For my own protection I have my PIN which is what the documents I signed when opening the account said would identify me to the bank!
- Oh, you do have your PIN?
- Of course! All you need is my PIN, nothing else. I can sign the same way, I have other cards with me, I can validate information like birthday, address and phone for you; I don't see why you can't replace my card! I am the customer. Aren't you supposed to make things easier for me?
Then she frowned, asked me to sign a piece of paper to check my signature, asked me to enter my PIN on the machine, asked me to answer a few questions and authorised the card replacement with a remark that next time I should carry my passport. Humph...
But it doesn't end there!
When the cashier gave me my new card I asked if she would withdraw some money for me.
- You can withdraw from the ATM machine in the front of the bank.
- Say what?!? No, I can't. Can you do it for me without me having to beg?
She got the card and asked how much. Four thousand, a hundred and fifty, I said.
- Oh, that amount you can't withdraw from the ATM.
- Exactly! I said without looking at her.
Now, tell me. Am I asking for too much? Are they doing me a favour? Should I be grateful for their benevolence in providing me with service I pay for anyway?
I decided to close the account. I am moving to Citibank. I will have problem with them too, I am sure. But I hope it would be less annoying than these bozos from OCBC.
Sunday, 21 September 2003
Pull the damned plugs! I can't take it anymore...
I'm in the hospital. I was admitted yesterday. Well, it all begun Friday.
I had a soup and some cracker with tuna for dinner but I could tell it did not go too well. I felt bloated, burping too much. It pretty much felt like indigestion. A certain discomfort and heart burn; as you would feel after overeating something very heavy.
I drank some soda water, which usually helps, watched some TV and decided to go to bed. By then the slight discomfort was turning into pain and I wondered whether the soup or the tuna was spoiled. I tried some "Eno" and went to bed.
I couldn't sleep, though. It was really hurting and no matter what position I assumed in bed, it wasn't making it any better.
I hate throwing up. Some people do it so easily... For me it's always a nightmare. But since it was really getting worse, I had no choice but inserting a finger down my throat and inducing vomiting.
That, unfortunately did not help any and by 3:00AM I crying in pain. I decided to go to the hospital, determined to either have my stomach pumped or at least medicated for the pain.
I called a cab and proceeded to SGH (Singapore General Hospital). SGH is one of (if not the) best equipped hospitals in Singapore. That did not help me at all. In the end, it all boils down to people, believe me. And the quality of the service provided was lousy.
First, there was no queue but the lady at the admission desk took her time in filling in whatever details she had to input in her computer. Seriously, she took more than 10 minutes to insert my data and prepare my 'case'. Come on! Four o'clock in the morning, nobody waiting, no long queues... Is it asking too much to expect 'emergency' to be regarded as emergency? I realized that unless you are bleeding and unconscious, it's not an emergency. If you're having a heart attack, someone will come to ask questions and help you after you collapse. If you can spit some blood and open your eyes wide in a terror face or like a madman before the actual fainting, that could help getting a little bit of attention but it's not a guarantee.
After being admitted I was sent to see some recently graduated doctor who asked me the trivial questions: Are allergic to any medication? Have you ever undergone any major operation? What seems to be the problem?
Then she sent me to ECG saying heart attacks sometimes cause abdominal pain. Fair enough but, bloody hell, I was still in pain.
To make a long story short, I was attended to after 5:00AM, they had no idea what the problem was, I was given Buscopam for the pain, put to "observation" and released around 8:00AM.
Since I did not sleep much (or at all), I was very tired. That together with the Buscopam enabled me to finally rest a bit. But I woke up with pain again. This time I called Fred and WT for assistance. They recommended Gleneagles Hospital, a private one. Fred even drove me there. WT came to join me and help me shortly after.
I was diagnosed with gallbladder inflammation and scheduled for operation. Unfortunately, the doctors want to observe the pain I am going through in order to be sure the diagnosis is right so they don't want to give me any strong pain killer.
The suffering never ends...
I had a soup and some cracker with tuna for dinner but I could tell it did not go too well. I felt bloated, burping too much. It pretty much felt like indigestion. A certain discomfort and heart burn; as you would feel after overeating something very heavy.
I drank some soda water, which usually helps, watched some TV and decided to go to bed. By then the slight discomfort was turning into pain and I wondered whether the soup or the tuna was spoiled. I tried some "Eno" and went to bed.
I couldn't sleep, though. It was really hurting and no matter what position I assumed in bed, it wasn't making it any better.
I hate throwing up. Some people do it so easily... For me it's always a nightmare. But since it was really getting worse, I had no choice but inserting a finger down my throat and inducing vomiting.
That, unfortunately did not help any and by 3:00AM I crying in pain. I decided to go to the hospital, determined to either have my stomach pumped or at least medicated for the pain.
I called a cab and proceeded to SGH (Singapore General Hospital). SGH is one of (if not the) best equipped hospitals in Singapore. That did not help me at all. In the end, it all boils down to people, believe me. And the quality of the service provided was lousy.
First, there was no queue but the lady at the admission desk took her time in filling in whatever details she had to input in her computer. Seriously, she took more than 10 minutes to insert my data and prepare my 'case'. Come on! Four o'clock in the morning, nobody waiting, no long queues... Is it asking too much to expect 'emergency' to be regarded as emergency? I realized that unless you are bleeding and unconscious, it's not an emergency. If you're having a heart attack, someone will come to ask questions and help you after you collapse. If you can spit some blood and open your eyes wide in a terror face or like a madman before the actual fainting, that could help getting a little bit of attention but it's not a guarantee.
After being admitted I was sent to see some recently graduated doctor who asked me the trivial questions: Are allergic to any medication? Have you ever undergone any major operation? What seems to be the problem?
Then she sent me to ECG saying heart attacks sometimes cause abdominal pain. Fair enough but, bloody hell, I was still in pain.
To make a long story short, I was attended to after 5:00AM, they had no idea what the problem was, I was given Buscopam for the pain, put to "observation" and released around 8:00AM.
Since I did not sleep much (or at all), I was very tired. That together with the Buscopam enabled me to finally rest a bit. But I woke up with pain again. This time I called Fred and WT for assistance. They recommended Gleneagles Hospital, a private one. Fred even drove me there. WT came to join me and help me shortly after.
I was diagnosed with gallbladder inflammation and scheduled for operation. Unfortunately, the doctors want to observe the pain I am going through in order to be sure the diagnosis is right so they don't want to give me any strong pain killer.
The suffering never ends...
Wednesday, 10 September 2003
On the spotlight
I don't know... Maybe I should avoid having too much coffee or maybe it is time to change jobs again. I get so pissed with certain things... But I am getting ahead of myself. This is what happened:
A good friend, a colleague from the office, is in Singapore. I am supposed to follow her around, accompany her to the customer's site. Since it was supposed to be just a meeting, I decided to wear a suit. I have some. I like them and though I do not *have* to wear them, I do not mind doing so and will do it whenever I have the chance.
In other words, if I am not going to be crawling under tables as it happens now and them in my line of work, I will wear a suit. I look good in them and as sad and silly as it is, the fact is: people treat you differently when you are in a suit.
Some guys from the office do not like it very much. Perhaps because they are not used to wearing suits. The weather in Singapore is very hot. Or perhaps because they do not want to look better than the customer they are visiting. But my opinion is that you should look your best for your customer. I mean, if you are going to pay the big bucks for someone's service, wouldn't you expect that someone to look good?
I know it sounds silly, but bear with me for a minute. Let's say you are going to have a heart surgery. You are going to pay over $2000 dollars a day for some surgeon's service and pretty much put your life in his hands. You go visit her/him and she/he is dressed in sweat pants and a worn out T-Shirt. Do you get a good impression? I don't think so.
Sure I am exaggerating things for the sake a making a point but in a smaller scale this is basically the same situation I have on a daily basis. Customers do pay over US$2000 for my services. I could show up in jeans but, does that cause a good impression? Point made? Ok.
So this is what happened. My friend and I are going to meet the customer. It is a pre-sales engagement so I do not have to fix computers, go under desks or anything like that. She is nicely dressed and I am wearing a suit. At the customer site we meet the Sales Manager and he's not wearing a suit. My problem? No, I am sorry. The customer looks at me and goes "Oh, you look sharp today, huh?" and before I can say thanks he jumps into conversation saying:
- Yeah, he's Brazilian. I guess they do not have many chances to wear suits there.
Hey, hold on a moment! Where the f*ck did that come from? I got pissed instantly. I don't get paid to get this kind of crap. But I smile and pretend I did not mind the stupid comment...
Oh, the things we have to do to keep our jobs...
After that comment the customer lost the respect. Now the "guy in the suit" is "ok" and "it's ok to make fun of him". Gosh I HATE this.
I had to go to the toilet and the bloody office is one of those stupid buildings where everything is locked and the restrooms are outside the office area. I ask the customer:
- Can I borrow the pass to the toilet, please?
- Are you going to the toilet AGAIN?, she asks.
- What do you mean again? I just arrived!
- Yeah, but you went to the toilet yesterday, right?
- Oh, ha... Yes. Haha (pretending to find the joke extremely amusing. Duh!)
Then the Sales Manager asks:
- How often do you go to the toilet a day?
- Well, if you really have to know, I go once every half hour. Do you have a problem with that?
There was no reply. I guess he noticed I was getting aggressive already. Good. Maybe he will leave me alone for the rest of the day.
A good friend, a colleague from the office, is in Singapore. I am supposed to follow her around, accompany her to the customer's site. Since it was supposed to be just a meeting, I decided to wear a suit. I have some. I like them and though I do not *have* to wear them, I do not mind doing so and will do it whenever I have the chance.
In other words, if I am not going to be crawling under tables as it happens now and them in my line of work, I will wear a suit. I look good in them and as sad and silly as it is, the fact is: people treat you differently when you are in a suit.
Some guys from the office do not like it very much. Perhaps because they are not used to wearing suits. The weather in Singapore is very hot. Or perhaps because they do not want to look better than the customer they are visiting. But my opinion is that you should look your best for your customer. I mean, if you are going to pay the big bucks for someone's service, wouldn't you expect that someone to look good?
I know it sounds silly, but bear with me for a minute. Let's say you are going to have a heart surgery. You are going to pay over $2000 dollars a day for some surgeon's service and pretty much put your life in his hands. You go visit her/him and she/he is dressed in sweat pants and a worn out T-Shirt. Do you get a good impression? I don't think so.
Sure I am exaggerating things for the sake a making a point but in a smaller scale this is basically the same situation I have on a daily basis. Customers do pay over US$2000 for my services. I could show up in jeans but, does that cause a good impression? Point made? Ok.
So this is what happened. My friend and I are going to meet the customer. It is a pre-sales engagement so I do not have to fix computers, go under desks or anything like that. She is nicely dressed and I am wearing a suit. At the customer site we meet the Sales Manager and he's not wearing a suit. My problem? No, I am sorry. The customer looks at me and goes "Oh, you look sharp today, huh?" and before I can say thanks he jumps into conversation saying:
- Yeah, he's Brazilian. I guess they do not have many chances to wear suits there.
Hey, hold on a moment! Where the f*ck did that come from? I got pissed instantly. I don't get paid to get this kind of crap. But I smile and pretend I did not mind the stupid comment...
Oh, the things we have to do to keep our jobs...
After that comment the customer lost the respect. Now the "guy in the suit" is "ok" and "it's ok to make fun of him". Gosh I HATE this.
I had to go to the toilet and the bloody office is one of those stupid buildings where everything is locked and the restrooms are outside the office area. I ask the customer:
- Can I borrow the pass to the toilet, please?
- Are you going to the toilet AGAIN?, she asks.
- What do you mean again? I just arrived!
- Yeah, but you went to the toilet yesterday, right?
- Oh, ha... Yes. Haha (pretending to find the joke extremely amusing. Duh!)
Then the Sales Manager asks:
- How often do you go to the toilet a day?
- Well, if you really have to know, I go once every half hour. Do you have a problem with that?
There was no reply. I guess he noticed I was getting aggressive already. Good. Maybe he will leave me alone for the rest of the day.
Wednesday, 3 September 2003
But, when you're not looking...
Ok, this is old news already but though I haven't been updating so frequently I just could not let go of the information. The need to write about it has been nagging me for a while.
Remember I mentioned Muslims say they do not care about non-Muslims affairs? Well, turns out a local paper in Malaysia published a small but very elucidating article about a 'conflict of interests' on the planning for next October's Deepavali, the Indian New Year.
According to the article, the Indian community in Malaysia was very upset with the government because of an imposed ban on dancing, singing and liquor consumption during the Deepavali festival in 'the interest' of the Muslim community that could 'perhaps' attend.
Indians were shocked, of course. This is a cultural thing for them and, being non-Muslims, there is usually lots of singing, drinking and dancing. They are like that. They wait all year for that. Now, after years of tradition, the government wants to make it illegal? Because Muslims would *perhaps* attend? Does it sound fair to you? It certainly did not to them.
They approached the authorities in disagreement and a whole argument started.
I say: They are non-Muslims. It's a non-Muslim festivity. Put a huge sign outside the festivity surroundings saying "Fellow Muslims Citizens, welcome to Deepavali; here we dance, sing and drink. If you find it offensive and/or do not agree: PISS OFF!". Then, make sure the police is available to punish any Muslims that try to get in and have fun. Problem solved.
As I told you, this is old news and though I kept the original article I could not find it while writing this. Nevertheless, you can find traces of the original discussion by browsing the online version of The Star.
Humph! Minding their own business, huh? Yeah, right...
Remember I mentioned Muslims say they do not care about non-Muslims affairs? Well, turns out a local paper in Malaysia published a small but very elucidating article about a 'conflict of interests' on the planning for next October's Deepavali, the Indian New Year.
According to the article, the Indian community in Malaysia was very upset with the government because of an imposed ban on dancing, singing and liquor consumption during the Deepavali festival in 'the interest' of the Muslim community that could 'perhaps' attend.
Indians were shocked, of course. This is a cultural thing for them and, being non-Muslims, there is usually lots of singing, drinking and dancing. They are like that. They wait all year for that. Now, after years of tradition, the government wants to make it illegal? Because Muslims would *perhaps* attend? Does it sound fair to you? It certainly did not to them.
They approached the authorities in disagreement and a whole argument started.
I say: They are non-Muslims. It's a non-Muslim festivity. Put a huge sign outside the festivity surroundings saying "Fellow Muslims Citizens, welcome to Deepavali; here we dance, sing and drink. If you find it offensive and/or do not agree: PISS OFF!". Then, make sure the police is available to punish any Muslims that try to get in and have fun. Problem solved.
As I told you, this is old news and though I kept the original article I could not find it while writing this. Nevertheless, you can find traces of the original discussion by browsing the online version of The Star.
Humph! Minding their own business, huh? Yeah, right...
Sunday, 31 August 2003
Time to say goodbye
After a few days in Bangkok, it's time to head home. This short trip was quite good to relax a bit, have my teeth treated and the pain in my back fixed.
Some time ago, last time I was in Thailand, actually, I saw this advertisement about laser teeth whitening on a in-flight magazine and got really interested. Back then I had a chipped tooth that needed some attention so I went to the place and had a very good impression of the doctor, the staff and the clinic.
This time I wanted to have some of my old metal fillings replaced with new natural 'teeth like' ceramic ones and since my teeth were going to 'look good' (not that they look bad, but anyway) I decided to go for the 'whitening' thing too.
The brochure they gave me to read stated the process was painless as it involved no heat, drills or anything that caused pain. The only side effect of the procedure was a 'slight sensitive' feeling the day after.
Well, that might be true for Thai nationals but this Brazilian friend of yours can tell you without lying: It hurts like hell.
I don't know what they do but during the process I could feel sharp pain in all teeth. Little did I know it was but a sample of the pains I'd suffer later.
They gave me some pills for the pain but that didn't help much. The day after my teeth still hurt. And just yesterday evening things got better.
I returned today to have two fillings replaced which proves I'm not scared of pain. Well, not too much...
Yulia, my “soon to be” Russian girlfriend kept me company all these days by sending me SMSs all the time. She's such a doll. I'm so infatuated already; I can't wait to go see her in person.
Some time ago, last time I was in Thailand, actually, I saw this advertisement about laser teeth whitening on a in-flight magazine and got really interested. Back then I had a chipped tooth that needed some attention so I went to the place and had a very good impression of the doctor, the staff and the clinic.
This time I wanted to have some of my old metal fillings replaced with new natural 'teeth like' ceramic ones and since my teeth were going to 'look good' (not that they look bad, but anyway) I decided to go for the 'whitening' thing too.
The brochure they gave me to read stated the process was painless as it involved no heat, drills or anything that caused pain. The only side effect of the procedure was a 'slight sensitive' feeling the day after.
Well, that might be true for Thai nationals but this Brazilian friend of yours can tell you without lying: It hurts like hell.
I don't know what they do but during the process I could feel sharp pain in all teeth. Little did I know it was but a sample of the pains I'd suffer later.
They gave me some pills for the pain but that didn't help much. The day after my teeth still hurt. And just yesterday evening things got better.
I returned today to have two fillings replaced which proves I'm not scared of pain. Well, not too much...
Yulia, my “soon to be” Russian girlfriend kept me company all these days by sending me SMSs all the time. She's such a doll. I'm so infatuated already; I can't wait to go see her in person.
Wednesday, 27 August 2003
Flying Finnair
I got back from KL just this afternoon. It was only 4 o'clock when I got to the office. In a normal situation I'd go home directly but this time, an important correspondence was waiting for me at Genesys. When the Singapore Inland Revenue sends you a notification, you pay attention. After all, this is Singapore and everyone knows about the 'cane'!
So I went to the office, got my mail, paid my debt thus guaranteeing the safety of my buttocks and finally headed home, where another flight ticket waited.
I'm on my way to Bangkok. Finnair had the best price: only S$180 for a round trip. Trust me, that is indeed very cheapo. I mean, go for a two hours Traditional Thai Massage in Singapore and you will easily pay S$120! This is my first time flying with them and I am sort of curious. Let's see if they have beautiful stewardesses in a nice new plane.
- - -
Erm... Just so you know: No, they don't!
So I went to the office, got my mail, paid my debt thus guaranteeing the safety of my buttocks and finally headed home, where another flight ticket waited.
I'm on my way to Bangkok. Finnair had the best price: only S$180 for a round trip. Trust me, that is indeed very cheapo. I mean, go for a two hours Traditional Thai Massage in Singapore and you will easily pay S$120! This is my first time flying with them and I am sort of curious. Let's see if they have beautiful stewardesses in a nice new plane.
- - -
Erm... Just so you know: No, they don't!
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