Tales of an abandoned blog

My poor blog has been so neglected lately, poor thing. But things have been so strange after I returned from beautiful Russia and the arms of my loved one. I meant to write but there is so much catching up to do!

I will probably upload this post first and then update and upload the posts already started and never submitted. So, let us see... Current status? Elated. Pretty much, yes. Reason? Yulia! Who else? If l had to make one single complain somehow associated to her, it would definitely be her physical absence by my side; something beyond her control... My sweet baby.

I certainty do not want to become mono-thematic but she is just incredibly adorable. Seems God took pity on my suffering and decided to put an angel in my life. I've been blessed with her company.

She is so special I'm forced to re-learn relationships. Is there a course 'Relationships 1-O-1'? Or even an "Idiot's Guide to Relationships"? I need those. The spirit of past failures haunts me and sometimes I do stupid things out of sheer insecurity. She just smiles kindly, holding my hand and assuring me she is not the same girls l had before. Oh, how l love her!

Let me give you an example of my stupidity and her graciousness. When was it? Sometime last week, I believe. Yes; that's correct. It was Friday last week. I had returned from the Philippines. Before I went to Indonesia (hmmm... More on that trip on a different post). It was her cousin's birthday. She said her family was going to the party at her aunt's house and would spend the night there. Next day they were going to have a BBQ/pick nick with her cousin's friends.

We exchanged SMS throughout the party. Her auntie, who liked me very much, sent regards and wished I was there. They all did. I really felt home sick, wishing so much l could be there with them. We agreed that next day she would send me a message when she woke up.

I woke up Saturday at noon. Still early for her since she is three hours behind. I could send her a message but l did not want to wake her up, my sweet babe. So l waited for her SMS. I took my morning shower (Erm... Afternoon, in that case) and prepared to go groceries shopping. When I was about to leave, I sent her a message. It was almost 2pm but given she was in a party with her family, I figured she had gone to bed late and was probably still asleep.

From Carrefour I sent her another message. "Is my baby still asleep?" No reply... That was odd. It was past 3pm. Could it be that she was still sleeping? I started to wonder. Memories of J's behaviour started to pop in my mind... I fought them as much as l could but by 5pm l was filled with doubts. Did she forget about me? Did she leave her phone behind? Why wasn't she replying?

I got back home and first thing l did was check my emails. Nothing from her. I stopped giving her excuses. I was obvious she had totally forgotten about me. She was having fun. Why would she bother thinking of me, so far away? If she wanted to send me a message, she could have. If her mobile was out of batteries, she could have borrowed her cousin's. Or anyone else's for that matter. She just did not care enough.

I tried to forget about it. I stored all the groceries, grabbed a can of diet coke and sat down to watch the telly a bit. But nagging demons insisted in bringing the thought back to my head. ''Oh, poor you. You're back at it again. I bet she is having a wonderful time without you."

I gave in to madness and wrote her an email complaining. "Are you taking me for granted already?" - I asked. I sent the message and again tried to keep my mind away from the matter. Anger started to give place to worry around 7pm. I sent another email. What if something bad had happened? Damn, I hate not knowing things!

Then, my mobile rang and the familiar voice on the other end said "Babe, can you call me?" l did.

She said everyone was still at the BBQ but she was worried because l did not reply to her messages. She had sent so many during the day, even using her cousin's mobile and her cousin's girlfriend’s mobile, thinking perhaps it was her phone that wasn't sending the messages.

- "Did you get my messages?"
- "No. Did you send me messages?"
- "Yes. A couple. Even two angry emails..."
- "Angry? Why, Darling? Why were you angry?"
- "Oh, well... We agreed you would SMS me when you woke up!"
- "And I did, Love. It was the first thing I did!"
- "But l did not get any messages all day!"
- "Oh, poor babe. I am so sorry, but l sent you so many messages... I was sad all day because l did not receive news from you. That's why I asked Dad to bring me back. I wasn't having fun there. I was missing you. I wanted to talk to you. Why didn't you call me?"

How could I tell her I didn't because I am a stupid insecure asshole?

- "I did not want to disturb... I thought you were probably having fun and had forgotten about me..."
- "Oh, Darling... How can l possibly have fun if you're not with me?!?"

We talked and even tried SMSing while still on the phone. It wasn't working. She did not get my emails either - no internet access from her cousin's house. I told her maybe she shouldn't read the emails. She said she would delete them... After reading of course. But she would not be upset since the situation was resolved. I agreed to call again later, before going to bed. She would be home then.

Not even two hours after we spoke, my phone started beeping like crazy. One after the other I received 18 SMSs. Some from phone numbers l did not know but all from her. All with the time stamp when she sent it. The first, from around 10am said "Good morning, my love. How l wish l was waking up by your side. I miss you so much." How bad is that?

After 10 minutes or so, there came another message. It said "I am home, Sweetheart. I hope you receive this message." I really don't know why messages were not being sent. Maybe the mobile cell she had where the BBQ was being held (which was far from the city) did not have SMS capabilities? I really don't know if there is such thing but as soon as she got home, all messages previously sent were delivered. Felt shitty, of course.

Different girl. Different game. The rules are fair to both parties now. All I have to do is relax and trust her more. Or I will risk loosing her...