Before I hit the road again...

Yes, I know... It’s been quite a while since I last updated the Blog. So much have happened that I just have been having trouble keeping up with all that needs to be done. Even my good friend Itty Bitty Pittey mentioned I have been stalling. He's right, so let me do a brief update before hitting the road again.

Jana, the Latvian girl, wants to come and visit me in October. I was happy with the idea until she felt really comfortable to tell me things she did not mention before. I know we all have skeletons in the closet but how we deal with them makes a lot of difference, I think.

So this is how it started. She said in September she is going to South Africa to meet some other guy she was exchanging messages with. No big deal for me, after how could I possibly expect to be the only one who replied to her online profile on the dating site? Then she said she wanted to email the guy and tell him ‘everything’ was over because she had found someone else: Me. Hmmm... Ok. I was flattered for a moment till my slow thinking brain said “Whoah! Hold on a second!”

She can change her mind that easily? I mean, she knows me just as much as she knows the African guy. What makes her think I am a better catch? And why change plans like this, so suddenly? If I was the South African fellow, I would be pissed. All the plans he made meant nothing to her? I told her I did not want her to change her plans on my account. She should go, meet him and after that she could come to meet me, if that was the case. Then she would know what to do. So the idea was for her to go to Johannesburg in September and come to Singapore in October.

But those plans changed again whe she mentioned she had a boyfriend. Say what?!? What the heck someone with boyfriend wants with a profile on a dating site? I asked her and her answer was “We are not getting along fine. He is abusive and drinks too much. I need to find happiness in life and move on.” Fair enough, but why is she still with him?

I asked her “Does he know you are planning on meeting other guys?” Guess her answer. Bingo! Nopes; the poor fellow doesn’t have a clue of what is going on behind his back. That was a turn off for me. This is history repeating itself. I was in his shoes once. Well, I wasn’t abusive or a drunk but, I mean, I never knew what was going to hit me till it was too late. It is unfair. It doesn’t really matter if he is an asshole or not. If she is not happy, solve the damn relationship before looking for a new one. What’s the matter with people nowadays? Geez...

The red card is raised: Jana is out.

Olga is one of the Russian cuties. Her English is quite good and and I was very suprised she can speak well (we spoke on the phone). She is very sweet, shares similar interests and is the ‘good girl’ type. I have problems with good girls, I am sure I mentioned a couple of times before. Nevertheless, she is so cute and sweet and willing to be a good wife I gave in and got interested. The only problem is: she’s the only child of a widow mother. Get the picture? Her Mom is terribly concerned about her little girl travelling all the way to Southeast Asia to meet the Big Bad Wolf.

What am I to say? I would be too if she was my daughter. So, correspondence with her slowed down a bit. I told her I would love to visit Russia and her but that cannot happen right now. She sends me emails every other day saying she misses me and that she is sorry there isn’t much she can do. She says she is still trying to convince her Mom it is fine, after all I gave her all possible information so she could at least verify I am not a “flesh trader” interested in selling white slaves.

In the end, I think her mother knows that. She just wants to take the opportunity to visit SE Asia too, you know? But I am not that naïve. If she wants to come, she’s mostly welcome provided she pays for her own expenses.

Yellow card: Careful missy!

While all this was happening with Jana and Olga, Yulia (the other Russian cutie) found ways to get me quite interested. Unlike the other girls, she was not very much interested in being agreeable all the time and she is not really concerned if she can come or if I should go. Her mother is a businesswoman and they have a good financial situation. She has travelled a lot too so getting out of her country is not her immediate plans.

I have learned that for most of these girls, this is the case. They are unhappy with the situation of their own countries and want to find a foreign husband. Ha! Isn’t it the case in some places here in SE Asia as well? But that is certainly not the case for Yulia. Though I do not criticise the other girls for trying to find a better place to live (Hey, why do you think I live in Singapore not in Brazil?) that is a plus in Yulia’s profile. If the main reason is not so material, I think the chance of having true love is higher, don’t you think?

Anyway, we have been exchanging lots of messages, getting to know each other the best way we can. She writes well though she cannot speak fluently. I don’t know... I am beginning to think this could be it.

As you would expect, with all this happening lately, Miss Ex-GF might have felt our love ties were being threatened and decided to call. Again. She called three times last week.

The first time she called it was 4:30 in the morning. The house phone rang once and stopped. One minute later, it happened again – rang once and stopped. It happened a couple of times and I was already annoyed and about to switch off the phone. Who could be calling my home at those hours?! Then, maybe because I was already half awake I realised it could be J’s parents.

No one has my home number (I am never home, for Christ sake, why bother?) but our parents do. Mine and hers, I mean. So I figured it could be her parents, mine would call directly.

I called back and she answered the phone.

- “Hi”, I said, “Is everything alright?”
- “Yes, why do you ask?”, She said.
- “I dunno... Someone was calling and hanging up after the first ring. I got worried. Thought something might have happened!”
- “No – did anyone call Singapore?” she asked the others. “No, no one called.”
- “Hmm... Ok, then...”

A brief moment of silence and then she said:

- “You know I am lying, don’t you?”
- “Yes. I figured.”

She apologised and said she missed me. Well, you know the story by know. “She loves me”, “I am the one”, “She cries every day”, yada yada yada. All the right things to say. It would work if I did not know her too well. I avoided the confrontation, talked a bit, said I needed to get back to sleep, that I was going to call later, good-bye, kisses to everyone... Kaput. Conversation over. But I knew it wasn’t over yet.

She called again two more times in different days. And the last time, today early in the morning, she said she broke up with the boyfriend and wanted to return to Singapore. She said she knows she is about to loose me for good (spooky, ain’t it?) and she doesn’t want that.

I told her we tried too many times already and the result is always the same. I told her I am happy I do not have to worry about who might be visiting my house in my absence. I told her I do not miss all the silly arguments, that it is unfair for her to call me like this after all we’ve been through and after I am finally able to let go (am I?) and meet people who can make me happy (can they?). In the end, I told her I had to think about it.

Why? Do I want her back? What about Yulia? What about the possibility of meeting someone special? Am I willing to postpone this possibility of meeting someone new yet again? Is it worth it trying to fix something I know cannot be fixed?

[deep sigh]

Well, some other brief news. I am pleased to announce I am the happy owner of my own domain now. There is nothing there yet but soon I will be transferring my Blog and re-creating my web site at www.thewolftrack.com! Yessssss!

Tomorrow I am taking the first morning flight (6:30 in the morning... Ouch!) to Kuala Lumpur. Yep, yet another round of fun with the Outbound Solution due to a server crash. Guys, read my lips:

“BACKUP”

And talking about crashes, my 40Gb hard disk on the laptop crashed. Huh?! You think you got me cornered, do you? I am so sorry to disappoint you: I had backups! Muahahahaha! (Unavoidable Evil laughter). I am in the process of re-creating my working environment in an new 60Gb hard disk. :o)

Well, I guess this is it.

Tata