Ok. Here I am… It’s been a long time since I last updated my Blog (apart from yesterday’s brief note) but I promised you that, with time, I would tell you all that happened. Little by little; bear with me…

Yesterday, when I posted my last entry, I had just arrived to Bangkok. It’s the second time I come since my return from Brazil and though I enjoy being here, I could use some time at home. If I remember correctly, last week was the longest time I slept in my own bed since end of July last year. Can you imagine that? I love traveling, but I certainly would like to be at home for a few weeks for a change. Maybe next vacation I will tell everyone I will be in - I don’t know - Sierra Leone for example, and then I’ll just switch off the phone and stay home. It seems there is a chance I will be involved in a project in Singapore. I am looking forward to that for it will give me this time I need to enjoy my greeneries, my pool, my gym and my own apartment.

Here in Bangkok, I am staying at the Westin Grande Sukhumvit. Last time, two weeks ago, I stayed at the Sheraton Grand Sukhumvit. Similar names? You bet, they are opposite from each other in the Sukhumvit Road (Duh!). My stay at the Sheraton was nice, but since I get points for staying in either one, I decided to try the Westin this time. They have just renovated the hotel and the rooms look really nice., all modern and fancy.

After I arrived, late again due to Singapore Airlines, I sat down to write those few lines of my last post and catch up with email. I was done and ready to go to bed and J appeared on MSN. I did not mention but we actually met in Brazil. At first I did not want to, but then I put myself in her shoes and realized I would be very upset if she came to Singapore and did not look for me. Besides, I had already met her entire family and they were all blaming her for me not wanting to visit them at their house, so I gave in and decided to meet her. I did not know how we both would react and what the outcome would be but in the end it turned out ok.

I must say she looked very beautiful. She lost weight (lots!) probably because she had been sick, not eating well and also because she started smoking (two packs a day!!!). She also had a ‘piercing’ in her tongue, something I do not find attractive at all. But more about that some other time…

We spoke briefly online and I sent her some pictures we took while I was in Brazil. Pictures of me, of her, her sister etc. I told her I was back in Thailand and then she said she missed it. “It, what?” I asked her, and her reply was that she missed Thailand, missed home and most of all, she missed me. She’s got a way of keeping me on my toes… I will never understand her. When she is here, she wants to be there. When she is there, she wants to be here. It’s more then proven we cannot be together and yet we both cannot forget each other. Why?

Picture this: You find the woman of your dreams, the one that has all the qualities and characteristics you have always wanted in a wife since your school days. The one you feel most comfortable with, the one you do not have to wear mask for, the one that completes you and makes you want to be a better person. And when you finally meet that person, you realize you two cannot be together because there is something missing… She doesn’t love you enough. How do you fix it? How do you make such relationship work?

I told you before (read the posts) I can either accept her the way she is, loving me the way she does and scattering love bits around every chance she has got OR look for someone else. I decided, after years of bitter sweet pain, to look for someone else. Will I ever find someone like her? Maybe. Probable? No, unfortunately not…

Oh, well… I completely deviated from what I originally intended to say… It’s already late and I am babbling and babbling, making no sense at all. I’ll try again tomorrow. I guess I am tired. And confused. And lonely. And missing her. And hating her. And loving her. And wanting to find someone else. And going to sleep alone… Another day is over.