In my life, I have noticed, things change every seven years. Maybe it’s just a coincidence or maybe not. I do not recall what the change was when I was 7 but I do remember the big change shortly after my 14th birthday: my parents got divorced. Being a teenager I had a hard time adjusting to the new situation. Pretty much because everything seemed to be so normal at home. I mean, there were no signs it was about to happen. But is not what I want to discuss right now; I am talking about the changes… After my 21st birthday I got married. New change, new life. Those changes did not happen over night, of course, but curiously enough they all happened in this seven year cycle.

Well, last year I turned 35 and I must confess I was awaiting the big change to hit me. I though “life is going to change again” and I wondered what destiny had is store for me. But until now, I thought, nothing had happened and that only added to the apprehensiveness of my situation. Then, today it struck me that the change might have already happened.

It crossed my mind while letting my mind wander that J left shortly after my 35th birthday. And ever since, I’ve been trying hard to figure out what to do about it. I tried dating, I tried having fun, I have been fighting depression. I tried meeting people, I tried being alone I even tried ‘renting’ company. All to no avail. Maybe THIS is the change, this time so subtle I did not recognize it. My life has changed again. Or maybe it is still in the process. Am I getting ready for something different? Am I to learn how to stand on my own? It would be good for a change.

I never really knew how to be alone. Blame it on anything you want. Psychologists would say it’s because of unresolved issues with my parents divorce. Nah, I don’t think so. Some would say it’s because I was born under the sign of Libra and Libra man just can’t cope with being alone. Yeah, maybe. Maybe it’s just my loving romantic nature. Who knows? I really don’t. And I couldn’t care less. It’s just how I am. I love being alone but when it’s my own choice when I need time for myself. Being alone because I just don’t have anyone to be with never sounded right. Still doesn’t. But maybe, just maybe, this is the change I have to face. Maybe this is what I need to learn to move on with my life. Perhaps it’s my wake up call. And I’ve been delaying this change because I cannot “let go”.

I will have to think this over… Yeah… I think I will have to…