And so, the visit to Rio de Janeiro was over. I was very well impressed with the city. It’s been a long time since I was there and quite to my surprise I found a city a lot prettier and cleaner the Sao Paulo. The violence remains the same – or worst – but the ample streets, the beautiful girls, the beaches and the whole atmosphere were different than those of Sao Paulo.

Mila, who helped us through the entire trip driving us places and being available, took us to the airport for our departure. Then, something happened that upset me. Maybe I am over reacting or maybe I am really getting old and grumpy but in my opinion it was one of the most impolite things one could do. I had already checked in and we were waiting for the boarding time outside the gate, chatting a bit while we waited. Then, when I was in the middle of a sentence, from the speakers came an announcement of an arriving flight. Mila wanted to listen to it so what did she do? She put her hand over my mouth to shut me up and shushed me. Just like that. I was chocked. How rude can that be? I was so upset that I just couldn’t keep quiet about it; I just had to say something. And I did. In the most polite and soft way I could find, almost in a whisper, I said: please, don’t ever do this again. Some people might not mind such rudeness but I do, and I regard this just as heavily as you telling me to shut the f*%@k up. She apologized and I tried my best not to look so affected about it, so she wouldn’t feel bad.

The night before she did something similar during dinner. I was going to serve myself a bit more of something and she pushed my hand away saying if I had that extra bit I would not be able to eat the main course. Well, I don’t know about you but I like to decide things for myself. If she had asked “are you going to be able to eat the main course if you keep eating?” it would be fine but pushing my hand away?!? Hey, hello, I’m not a 5-year-old anymore!!! Humph!

Anyway, I got to Sao Paulo in the afternoon, took Fabi home, talked to a few people and got ready to meet the Genesys guys and my cousin who I hadn’t seen in 19 years. She is the sister of the cousin I mentioned I met in Rio. I almost didn’t recognize her. It’s funny how our brain works. Last time I saw her, she was cute 6 or 7-year-old and though I knew she wasn’t a kid anymore, I was very astound to find a beautiful well spoken young woman, working in a big company and owner of her life and future. She is amazing! The sweetest person ever, very humorous, loving and smart.

We met at Hooters Sao Paulo (first one in Brazil) and had a few wings and shrimp with my friends from Genesys. I was very glad to see they all got along fine. I think that, at first, since we were talking mostly about work and the Genesys market in Latin America, she was a bit bored. But soon enough she joined the chat and everything was fine. We’re going to meet again on Monday.

Rê, our former secretary in Genesys, was there too. She’s just too funny. In no time she befriended my cousin and they were scheduling club visits and stuff. After dinner, around 11pm, Rê took me to get my flight ticket to Sao Luis. The flight was originally scheduled for 6am, but was later changed to 7:30am, a change much appreciated.

I had a few hours of good sleep before hitting the road again. The flight was on time but the trip was awfully long because all the stops. Charter flights are like that. They are cheap but you cannot ask for much. It was ok, after all, I’m on vacations, I have the time.

After 8 hours (good enough to get to Europe), I arrived in Sao Luiz of Maranhão, north of Brazil, national capital of Reggae music. I came to visit my younger sister, father and relatives. This is my first time in Sao Luiz. My sister was complaining that even my mother, who lived in Japan, had already visited but I never did. So, before she deserted me I decided to come for a visit.

Sao Luis was another huge surprise for me. I wasn’t expecting such a beautiful city. Though I was a bit tired from the trip and all that happened during these past few days, my father took me for a stroll on the old city and sea side. The old part of Sao Luiz is gorgeous and romantic. It’s over 500 years old and there you can find the old constructions, still preserved and intact. Portuguese tiles, painted by hand individually, the pier where French and Portuguese used to fight to decide who would rule the new found land, streets of marble brought from Europe… Brazilian history still alive.

We visited a local museum and ended up having a quick meal in a place where they have a so called “pre-carnival”. I must confess, for the first time in my entire life, I liked it. Usually, carnival is too loud, too violent or just too explicit for me to appreciate. I hate crowds and just the idea of having hundreds of sweating people, drinking, shouting meaningless lyrics, pushing and pulling in a senseless mess… well, it disgusts me. But here, it’s different! It’s a family thing, people having fun. The way Carnival should always be. Probably, the way it was before. I will brief you about it later…

It’s time for another brief update. My internet access from Rio de Janeiro has been very limited, not for technical reasons (though connection can be as slow as in Bangkok) but mostly because I have been pretty busy. We (Fabi and I) arrived last Monday night after a 40 minutes flight that was one hour delayed due to the heavy rain in Sao Paulo. Mila picked us up at the airport and brought us to my Mom’s house. After the chatting about plans for the next day, we went for dinner at a near by restaurant.

Yesterday morning Fabi and I went to Copacabana. The beach was very nice, lot’s of beautiful girls in bikinis so small they would probably look more decent if totally naked. Hmmm... That’s the way (a-ha, a-ha) I like it!!! We were there until noon when the sun was waaaay to hot to bear. Then, afternoon was ‘visit-family’ time.

Mila, ever so kind, took us to Duque de Caxias (a city neighbor to Rio) where my Aunt, my father’s sister, lives. Then we went even further to a place called Imbariê (haha, I would love to see my English speaking colleagues trying to say that). Another Aunt, one of my mother’s sister, lives there. It was nice to see them again, after so many years, even when they started discussing those ‘oh so boring’ family matters that make absolutely no sense to me anymore.

Later in the day we had dinner with my cousin. He has always been this good looking fellow everyone loves. Thought it would be incorrect to state we grew up together, it’s fair to say we were somewhat close because I would spend weekends (or, during school vacations, entire weeks) in his house. I always admired him and despite the fact that we do not communicate much nowadays, whenever I have a chance to visit Brazil, I look him up to catch up with the news. I like him a lot and tonight we’re going to have dinner together again. Yesterday it was just Fabi and I, but tonight we are going to be all the gang, moms and all. Should be fun.

This morning I woke up a bit late, it was 8:15am already. Fabi and I went to the beach again (too much sun for me, but she wanted to go so…). Following my mom’s advice, we took a bus to get there. Big mistake. It tooks us more than an hour to get there. When we finally arrived, it was almost time to return. That wasn’t so nice. Next time, I’ll just do what I feel appropriate! Humph! After we returned I took some pictures of her. She really looks gorgeous. Reminds me a lot of J. Now, we are resting while I type. I’ll upload later… Let me get back to her now, she needs my attention…

I woke up 5:00 this morning. Again! Can you guess why? Yep, that’s right: J. She doesn’t call or anything but this link, this bond, this connection between us, the connection that was already fading when I was in Thailand, became stronger with my presence here. I woke up with a vivid image of J, not exactly a thought of things that happened, like a memory, but more like a “presence”. Spooky as it might sound, such presence was almost physical. It was as if she was in the room, watching me sleep. It is quite unlikely that she was awake at that time, unless she was partying with friends or wannabe boyfriends (always a possibility) but if you allow me to teach you something about this “psychic phone calls”, I will tell you: It works when you do not try too hard.

Here’s a little something you may try at home (haha). First of all, get a notepad, or personal scheduler, PDA or anything where you can write dates and times when you sent the “messages”. You will want to validate it later, and the only way to confirm it works is to know when you did it. Then, think of someone making sure you have an image of that person in your mind. Anything goes provided it’s a clear animated image. For example, you can think of the last time you were with that person, that will do. Next thing to do is to “think” of the message you want to send to that person. Don’t try to be funny or silly; you do not have to flex any muscles, shut your eyes very tight or pretend to be pushing something. Just think, for example, “I need to talk to you. Please call me”. As simple as that. But remember, the image of the person has to be clear in your mind and your message should be addressed to *that* person. As if you were actually talking to him/her.

That’s it. Now write it down on your notepad and forget about it. Totally. Don’t keep thinking, don’t keep sending, don’t call to confirm. Just forget it. If you want, later in the day, you can do it again. But the secret of success is “send and forget”. If you keep thinking, the “transmitting device” will not be able to send the “messages”.

If you do it right, do not be surprised if the person you were trying to “reach” calls you for no particular reason. And keep your notepad at hand, because if the person doesn’t call, next time you two meet, he/she might say something along the lines “Oh, I was thinking about you the other day!!! I almost called you.” Then you can get your notepad and confirm dates and times.

Now, back to my story here. Although I find it hard to believe (why would I wake up 5am to think of someone?) I might be the one initiating these ‘cosmic contacts’ with J. The reason is, I feel sorry for her. It’s not pity, it’s just that I would be saddened if the situation was the other way around. If she was visiting Singapore (or Thailand) and I heard she was there, tried to contact her just to know she did not want to see me, I would be very disappointed. We shared the same bed for 4 years (well, less than that if you disregard times when we broke up and she was away, but…), it was a marriage, a broken one but still a marriage. And now, I find myself avoiding someone I really loved. It doesn’t sound fair.

But I know that if we meet it is going to be painful. Painful to both of us, not only me, not only her. I am indeed better off without her but her family and friends tell me otherwise in regards to her. She is struggling. That makes me feel she might start again her so well know speech on how “we are meant to be” and I do not want that. Then, knowing her too well, she will get aggressive when she realizes all the sobbing and crying is not working. And she will attack me with accusations of silly threats (“I knew it, you never loved me for real” or “I cannot live without you, I will slit my wrists”), it would not be the first time. Would it help any to meet her? No! So, what’s the point? Why go through this?

I do not want to see her, nor talk to her. I hope she will forgive me and understand my reasons. I hope she’ll learn self-respect and find someone who she will really love. Then, all will be fine and we can laugh together about the silly things we did and the fun times we had.

Oh, last night wasn’t so good. I could barely sleep. The weather got a bit chilly (it’s not very common to get cold in Sao Paulo, especially during summer) and I was given a wool blanket. That triggered some allergy reaction and I was sneezing all night long. To make things worst, I could feel J was working her apprentice’s witchcraft on me. Well, it worked because I recognized the symptoms. Nothing bad, evil or mean. She’s not that good (or should I say bad?). I wonder how long this connection will last. It gets pretty tiring from time to time.

I met Fabi again today. Since we are going to Rio de Janeiro, I bought her a few clothes she didn’t have. A new bikini, a pair of light shorts and some beach t-shirts. We had lunch together before heading to the mall. Food was really nice but I could not finish my Salmon. I have been eating very little and made the silly mistake of having a salad before the main course. Doesn’t sound much, does it? Well, it wasn’t but it spoiled my lunch just the same.

I feel somewhat sorry for J. I mean, everyone in the family got to be with me for at least a moment. Even her grandmother. I really tried to avoid this. I told everyone to keep it hush-hush that I was near, but they told her just the same. Her mother said she had a letter J wrote for me. I did not want it. Just told her to tell J she had forgotten to deliver it. This kind of thing doesn’t make me proud, but I really do not want contact with her. Not yet.

But I keep telling everyone I have nothing against her and wish her all the best, which is very true. I just don’t want to meet her. But this will pass, and with time we’ll be friends. I have always believed in friendship after relationships. The way I see it, she is the one person that knows me like no one else. Wouldn’t it make sense to have her as a friend? But it doesn’t depend only on me. It’s a mutual thing.

In the afternoon, VM and I went to FNAC for CD shopping. I bought over 20 CDs. Most Brazilian stuff I did not find in Singapore. On the way back home she criticized me for the way I have been analyzing Brazilian girls. I’ve been telling her my impressions on the trip and how I could not even see a girl I could possibly be interested in. How I felt like a stranger in my own country and how used I was to the good life in Singapore or even Thailand. I think she got upset. I think she over reacted and was a bit harsh on me but I promised to be more understanding with the country from now on.

We got home and listened to the CDs I bought. I was planning to go to Hooters Brazil, but Rê, our former secretary in Genesys Brazil, did not return my call and it’s getting a bit late. I am running out of batteries. Maybe I will call it off and postpone it. Tomorrow Monique, my travel agent, will call so we can arrange my tickets to Rio and Sao Luiz and I will have to wake up early.

Speaking of "Monique's", the other Monique, my Romanian “girlfriend”, did not reply to my email and hasn’t been online for some time. Maybe she is traveling too? I am getting a bit worried…

Ok, time for a little update before I start forgetting things. These last few days have been fun and though I thought they would not be exactly “vacation”, I have been having the time to rest. I met people, went places, did not sleep much - true - but I do not feel tired of the trip anymore.

I still have lots of things to do and people to see. Like, I haven’t visited Genesys office yet, I haven’t been to Hooters Brazil, I did not visit my former landlady (who is a wonderful person with a wonderful family that I simply adore)… But it’s ok. I still have some time.

Tomorrow I am going to Rio de Janeiro and - surprise, surprise - I am not going alone! But do not get your hopes too high. I am just taking my ex-sister-in-law with me. And, NO! I am not having anything with her!!! What happened was: as I told you I was going to, I bought a GSM card to have a local phone. I gave the number to just a few people, basically my parents and close friends. But ELP, my friend, for some reason I will never really understand gave the number to my ex-mother-in-law, J’s mother. She called crying and said she wanted to see me, regardless the fact I did not want to see J. You know the story, I mentioned before, it goes like “no one will ever take your place in our hearts”, “you’re like a son to me”, “we love you and you are family no matter what” and etc etc etc.

I told her 'ok', we could meet, but the rules would be: I did not want to see J, not even from a distance, I did not want to talk to her, not even over the phone and I did not want to have news about her. She agreed (I told you she would) and we met. It was fun, that is, if you skip the parts where she was crying and cursing J for letting me go. I met the young ones and took them shopping, to good ol' MD; all the things I wanted to do but was reluctant to because of the possibility of meeting J.

I told them: - don’t tell her we met because she will be upset I did not want to meet her. Just keep it to yourselves, pretend you do not know I am already in Brazil. Well, that did not work very well. Guess what the first thing the little ones did when the got home? Yeah… Excited as they were, they got home bragging about how we all had fun. That started a small war in their environment; J feeling betrayed by her mother and her second sister crying because she wanted to see me too.

J asked why her mother didn’t tell her they were going to meet me and her mother, as subtle as a hippopotamus in a crystal store, simply said: because he doesn’t want to see you and you should stop making his life miserable. Double 'ouch', babe! J’s sister, Fabi, started shouting with her saying it was all her fault that she would not see me either. Everyone started fighting and then crying again. Then, J’s mother told Fabi that if she wanted to see me, she would arrange that BUT the rules would be… etc etc etc. You know it. She said “fine” and we met yesterday.

We agreed on a meeting point and I was there waiting when they arrived, Fabi and her mother. When this kid saw me, she ran to me and hugged me so tight, crying on my chest and not letting go, I almost started crying myself! “Why are you crying?” I asked her. And she said “J is stupid; I thought I wasn’t going to see you; I missed you a lot”. That was touching. So, we went for a stroll, chatted a lot and when it was time for me to leave, both Fabi and her mother started crying again (why do they do that to us? Some form of emotional blackmail, isn’t it? Has to be!!!). I ended up inviting her to come to Rio de Janeiro with me, which she accepted without even thinking.

Quite honestly, I did not think either. After I invited her I realized that would create even more trouble. J would be livid! And probably would think I invited her sister to upset her. I am sure she would also make a big fuzz about it. I told them and they pulled me back to reality saying “I do not care if she gets pissed or not! We would all be having fun now if it wasn’t for her.” I guess they are right. So, be it. I will let them handle J. If she gets upset or even jealous, I am sorry but that is something she will have to learn how to cope with. And I am happy I am not going to Rio alone, thought I insist in saying: Do not let your little minds wander too much. I am just taking a friend with me. :^)

Yesterday night I had dinner in a wonderful small restaurant near VM’s house. We were both tired but hungry too so, in spite of the rain, we got in the car and went to this itallian restaurant. It’s called “Divina Italia” (Divine Italy). When we got there it was already past 23:00 and they were just about to close. The owner greeted us at the door and said he was planning to close because there were no customers; the rain had spoiled his business that night. Nevertheless, he was very kind to let us in, assuring us we could order anything and there would be no rush. That alone got me very well impressed.

The restaurant is set in a small house, rustic style, backyard with a very nice garden and tables under a vineyard. It looks lovely. The decoration, all arranged by Franco, the owner, is simple but really pleasant. Because of the rain still pouring, we had dinner on the second floor, not under the vineyards. We ordered some salad and a dish they called “Divino Bacalhau”, some sort of cod fish lasagna. The dishes were very big and the price was fair. Food was superb! And they do pay attention to little details, which just made me love the place more. I am definitely returning before leaving Brazil.

Plans for the day? Exercise (yeah! After the cod fish lasagna I *have* to!), connect to the internet to upload this text, contact my travel agent and arrange tickets to Rio de Janeiro and Sao Luis and finally, do some sightseeing. Maybe tonight I will take VM to Hooters Sao Paulo, give them the Hooters Singapore picture and take another one there. I do not know what I will do during the weekend but, not to worry, I still have the whole day to decide. :o)

Today was a great day. Almost perfect, I would say. And the only reason I say almost is because late afternoon something happened I wasn’t expecting. Read on and find out…

So, as I mentioned, the day started with VM and I having breakfast in a cute bakery shop. Nothing fancy, just a cup of nice Brazilian coffee and a French roll with butter. After that VM dropped me off at a taxi stand and went to work while I headed to ELP’s house. There, ELP and I chatted a lot; I helped him with some computer problems he had and he helped me getting a local mobile phone. I was trying to rent one but in the end, the solution was a lot better than I expected. Just recently Brazil had its first GSM network inaugurated (it was about time!!!). Before, all the big mobile ‘telcos’ were TDMA or CDMA, so my phone would never work here. Well, it still doesn’t but now it’s a roaming problem, not a network one.

In order to have a local number, all I had to do was buy a new SIM card. I bought a pre-paid one for R$45 (less than USD15), stuffed some credits into it and in 20 minutes I was using my own Sony Ericsson. Good, huh? I was pretty happy.

We returned to his house, I updated my blog. Sent some emails distributing my new phone number and then we just hung around not doing much. I don’t really remember why, but just as night was falling down, he showed me pictures of J that were in the camera when he got from her (my camera, which she brought to Brazil, remember?). I looked at the picture and did not recognize her immediately. I know this is very impolite to say but she looked terrible. She put on too much weight; to the point she looked worse than her mother! Her body looked like on of those 13kg gas containers. And I am not trying to be mean: I am serious! She used to be so gorgeous… What happened to her?

This was the reason I did not want to see her. I knew it would have some effect on me. And I explained it to my friend why seeing her would make me suffer. If I saw her and she looked better than she was before, happier and prettier, I would be sad because that would be the proof she was indeed better of without me. On the other hand, if she was depressed, ugly, lacking self respect etc, then I would be sad because she was fine with me and gave everything up to be in such situation. The latter was the case and I did not feel proud about it.

That somewhat spoiled an otherwise beautiful day. Noticing how upset I got, I started analyzing my feelings to better understand what was really making me sad. I took a moment to sort out the things in my head and heart asking myself the fundamental questions. Did I want her back? No. Short and honest answer. Possibility dismissed. Did I want to meet her? No. Again, a simple fast negative. Did I miss her? Somehow, yeah. But what I really missed was company, not *her* company specifically. So, what was it that was disturbing me? Well, after some pondering I came to a conclusion. The best explanation I could find.

I loved this girl. Very much. Really loved her. And love is not a switch you turn on and off in the blink of an eye. It takes time. She certainly did a number on me, too many times to remember. But I always forgave her and I retained no hard feelings towards her. So, seeing her in such an awful condition and having my friend tell me how lost and unhappy she was, well… It got to me and I felt sorry for her. Just as I would for any good friend in distress. I pitied her…

And I also got worried. Worried she would try to come see me and maybe even use her charms (that is, if she still has any) to try to convince me she had changed and we belonged together. That would be even more upsetting, because no matter how hard she tries, I have no intentions to get back together with her. Trying too hard would make her look even more pitiful. I do not want that to happen. So now I am thinking, maybe it’s a bad idea to ask to see her younger siblings. I wanted buy them a few things like clothes and toys, but maybe it would be better if I didn’t.

I know this is just things crossing my mind and there is no way to validate any of it. Who knows? Maybe she is ok and happy despite her looks and what my friend told me. Maybe what I interpreted as ‘terrible looks’ is just the way she wants to be, not a reflection of the life she is living. Maybe I am flattering myself thinking she would like to see me! I really do not know. But the fact remains that I *do not* want to know. I think I will just leave some money with my friend and he can go there and hand it to her mother after I return to Singapore. I would have helped the small ones just the same without problems or grief for me. Yeah, maybe this is the way I should do it…

Anyway, I woke up this morning a new man, all refreshed and relaxed. Two painkillers and a good night of sleep was all it took. VM and I went out for groceries shopping and now she’s going to work. She offered for me to drive her car as she’ll be in the office all day, but it’s been quite a while since I last drove and though it sounded tempting, I told her I would assess my long forgotten driving skills before accepting the offer. I’m going to ELP house today. Visit him, chat a bit, see how things are going, take the opportunity to check emails etc. Tomorrow is his girls’ birthday. They are gorgeous twins I met very young. It’s hard to believe they are woman now. One is getting married end of this year. Might be the case for another trip, but it will depend on lots of things…

It’s just so good to wake up after a quiet night of sleep. I got to Sao Paulo on time (learn SingAir, learn!), got my luggage and proceeded to customs where I was already expecting to have some sort of ‘delay’. The officer was this not so friendly guy, dresses in a worn out suite and chewing gum. Geez, could it be any more typical? I was proceeding to “goods to declare” but he kept signaling for me to move to the “nothing to declare” row, so I did.

When I approached and handed him my declaration form, filled as “non resident” and with the most expensive items I was carrying (i.e. my laptop, my video camera and my digital camera) he didn’t bother to check. Just lifted my case to check the weight and pointed to the luggage check tables. Fair enough, I was expecting that and had been instructed by a friend who also works for the Inland Revenue/Federal Police.

At the desk, another officer, a woman, was very nice and polite. She asked me the contents of the bags and if I would mind showing her. Also, she check the form I filled in and realized I was a non resident. She started small talk asking me where I was coming from, how was it like to live in Singapore, how long I had been living there, those kind of things. She said everything seemed fine but I guess she could not simply dismiss me as “Mr. Fat Domino” would probably want to ask questions himself.

The guys came back (I have his name, but I’m not telling) and started saying: - So, you know you’re entitled to bring in just US500, right? I told him I was a non resident and those goods were not to stay in the country. He looked surprised and asked why I filled the form for residents. Well, I didn’t! I he had checked he would know so. The lady was a bit quiet now. He was probably her superior and she was maybe a trainee? Anyway, he opened my passport in the first page and said “your visa for Singapore was just for 14 days”. I told him he was looking in the wrong place. That was my entry with the new passport, as the old one had no pages left. I showed him the actual visa, my ‘green card’ and ticket back. He wasn’t very happy. Then he proceeded:

- If you are here on vacation, why did you bring the laptop?
- Because I need to check my emails.
- But you can do that from any computer…
- Yes, that’s true but it’s my company’s email and most of the time sensitive material I don’t want to leave bits and pieces scattered. Besides, I will need the computer to download pictures taken during the trip.
- I am not sure you do not have to pay tax for these.
- I am! I checked with a friend here in Brazil that used to do the same work you do before being promoted…
- What’s your friend’s name?
- It’s Mr. Here goes his name.

He stopped to think a bit… Checked my stuff… Looked at my passport again… Then, without looking either at me or his colleague, the lady, said while walking away: “Yeah, all’s fine. Let him go…”

I was very, VERY tired from the long flight but I felt triumphant I did not have to ‘pay’ anything to them. Last time I was in Brazil I wasn’t well coached and in the end the so called “brazilian way” cost me US$100, which it’s a lot of money…

The flight is really boring. The movies help, of course, but there's only so much one can take. I watched "Jet Lag" (Juliette Binouche and Jean Reno) on the flight to Paris and on this flight to Sao Paulo, I watched two other good ones. A comedy called "Ah! Si, J'etais Riche" and a romance called "Une Femme De Menage". Both French productions, like “Jet Lag”. I like the European cinema. The movies are usually not as refined as the American ones but they are more "believable", depicting situations you could actually have in your day-to-day life instead of the awesome mambo-jambo and pyrotechnics happening to Bonds, Triple Xs or some FBI, CIA or CSA agent. Also, the usual low budget guarantees a certain ‘romantic’ look, not to be found in the big American productions. Happy endings are not mandatory, because life not always has a happy ending…

I got to Paris on time (yep, I think I am going to write to Singapore Airlines about this as they are ALWAYS late) after a calm uneventful flight. Those two black guys were unheard of the entire trip. But sure enough, they were again the source of problems on our arrival. Security was very tight and checking for passports just outside the plane, you know, at the door from the “finger” (those access ramps that connect the airport to the plane). When the guys were identified by the police (!), they were taken away. One was handcuffed and was shouting things in French.

It’s now 14:45 in Singapore and here at the boarding gate, 6:45, all’s quiet. My connection flight is scheduled for 10:30 so that gives me plenty of time for some ‘shopping’. I want to buy a CD I could not find else where. Alizée is a French girl and it makes more sense to buy it here than bugging my CD shops in Singapore to get it.

J was on my mind throughout the flight. Maybe Elson spoke too much and she knows I'm arriving... Or maybe it was me thinking of her? I don’t know.

I dreamed of Uncle Mario, Soraya (my cousin) and others. I do not remember dreaming of J, though. I really do not want to meet her. It's going to be tough, 'cause I know her mother is sure to try some way to get us to meet. But I'm not staying with Elson, so one last chance for her to find me. Then, I'm going to tell her mother that if she tries to be smart with me, I'm not meeting anyone at all. That should do trick, as I bet she is counting on my financial support. Money talks and, as bad as it is, if she has to choose between letting her daughter down and not receiving some money, I know what she'll do.

Here we go again. It’s been a few days, I know. But this is what happens when the schedule gets a bit tight. I returned to Singapore on Friday night, had the weekend to unpack, organize things, prepare for my vacation and pack again. All went fine, thank goodness. Sure enough, my neighbor showed up to help me (or pest me) with a few things. She’s fine but I beginning to worry she is developing a crush on me. Bad move, I can tell you. I like her but I am not attracted to her, if you understand what I mean. So, it would be very bad if she got any more attached than what she is… Besides, she has funny ways and ideas that I do not appreciate much. For example, she keeps asking for the apartment keys (!) saying that since I am not always around, she could use the place. Hey, she is my neighbor! She lives next door in a apartment very similar to mine. A bit smaller, true, but we share the same facilities like pool and gym. So, what’s the point? When I ask her she says it’s because I have a maid and she can make a mess in my place and the maid will clean it up (!!). Now, how does that sounds? To me it doesn’t sound too good, no sir… So, no! I am NOT fixing that beetle bonnet!!!

On Tuesday, the day of my trip, I worked on my expenses until 5:30 in the morning. It usually wouldn’t take so long to prepare three expenses reports, but J used to do it (I think I mentioned I would give 5% of the total amount for her work) and I got a bit confused. Anyway, I finished it, went to bed, woke up around 11 and headed to the office to give the reports to my VP in the region. I also managed to print the pictures I took in Hooters the night before. My plan is to take those to Hooters Brazil and get pictured there to bring back to Singapore. Would be fun, wouldn’t it?

By 8:30 in the evening I had everything ready, so I headed to the airport. At the boarding gate, just after the ticket collection, a big quarrel was taking place between a security official and two black guys speaking French. Maybe he was from Senegal? He certainly looked like it. I do not know what they were arguing about bout the guards were called and they were threatening to have one of the black guys removed. The situation was getting very loud but eventually it was settled by the pilot, a big French fellow. I got a bit worried something would happen during the flight but in the end, it was quite ok.

Right now, as I type, I am online with Monique. This woman is really intriguing and I am beginning to have some crazy ideas here. I know it will sound totally incoherent and absurd but I am actually contemplating the possibility of taking her to Brazil with me for my vacation.

Yeah, I know. It sounds crazy! After all, I barely know her. But AP, my ex-wife, met her current husband online and they are doing fine. Why not take risks? What could go wrong? Let’s see… She might not be the sweet loving person she seems to be online. Yeah, sure, but then again, am I? She might enjoy the trip and I might never hear from her again. So what? If she enjoys and I enjoy, what did I loose? The air ticket? Oh, come on! It’s only money. It comes, it goes. Oh, she might be a drug addict!!! Nah… She doesn’t even smoke! Besides, she would get into trouble with authorities in whatever country she enters. Big trouble for her. Chances of affecting me? Very little...

So, what else could be a problem? We might not “click” together? Yeah, from amongst the problems presented, that is indeed the one that is most likely to happen if something happens at all. And in that case, again, all I loose is the money from the ticket. But I will not be wondering “what if”.

I don’t know… The only problem would be keeping her happy while in Brazil. But she seems to be easy-going about travel accommodations and long trips. After all, if she wins a free ticket to visit Brazil, what could she complain about? Hhmmm… This might be a very stupid move. But ask me if I care…

Some say “it’s never too late”. And in my case, yesterday, it certainly wasn’t. After being thoroughly disappointed with Vee and her actions, I came back to the hotel feeling bad and pessimistic. But things changed again. I got online, checked my emails and decided I would wait for Monique to show up. While I was waiting, I started to write a long email which I sent her later. Nothing important; just small disconected thoughts in my head. Monique only appeared online around four in the morning, but chatting to her was worth the wait. She is really sweet. I don’t quite know why she’s so kind to me. Maybe it’s just the way she is. Maybe she is like that with everyone. I don't know... Anyway, it was really nice talking to her, even though I was really tired then.

She had lots of questions for me. She asked about almost everything in my life, which I gladly answered as I have nothing to hide and certainly wanted to talk. Besides, by answering her questions I give her means to get to know me a bit better. So I spent the night awake, talking to this gorgeous stranger far away from me. And again, she saved the day.

MMP also appeared online. She really wants me to go to Brazil. Her insistence gets me a bit worried. Happy that someone cares for me, but worried about her expectations for this quick visit I’m planning to make. She was even talking about the possibility of a small trip to a resort nearby Rio de Janeiro and I was forced to be a bit harsh with her, telling her not to make any plans. I really cannot tell how long I will be able to stay in Brazil. I have lots of people to visit and lots of things to do in the short time I’ll have for vacation. I don’t know if I’ll be able to visit her, let alone travel with her. Besides, I do not want to give her false hopes. I live in Southeast Asia now. When I move from here, I plan to go to Europe, not back to Brazil. That means a relationship with her is very improbable. Still, she says she knows it all and gets upset every time I bring up the subject. So, I just don’t mention it anymore…

Darn! Good day gone bad! Well, it happens now and then… What happened was, as she grew more comfortable, Vee started to show her true colours. And it wasn’t exactly what I expected, or at least hoped for. I am not going to give details. Not now. Maybe some other time, if ever. But suffice to say I got really disappointed. And please, don’t have the wrong impression, it’s just that I pay too much attention to details. Some other guy probably wouldn’t notice a thing or maybe would take things more lightly. But I am looking for more than just someone to have fun with. Again, I guess I have been looking the wrong ways or in the wrong places. What a pity… I liked her.

This was a fine day. Or should I say it’s been so far? After last night karaoke session with Vee and Som, we agreed to spend the day at the hotel pool. We went to the mall to have pictures developed and then just hang around by the pool waiting for the afternoon seafood BBQ. Hmmm, yummy! The plan now is to go for Thai massage and then Karaoke again. Too much fun? Yeah, maybe. But I needed this, you know?

Vicky called me all the way from UK. Now, isn’t she lovely? I get concerned about her phone bill, but if she says it’s ok, well… Then it’s ok? I just don’t want her to spend her money like this. But it does feel good to know that somewhere, in this big world, someone is actually thinking of me with a smile in the heart. That’s why I love her so much. Whenever I was down, upset or just bored, she always managed to bring a smile to my face and make me feel like trying harder. Some people have that power over others. Vicky is one of them.

MMP also sent me a message. She really wants me to go to Brazil, even knowing I will only be able to be with her for a couple of days. That’s touching. Also makes me somewhat worried. I had my heart broken so many times, I just know how it feels. And I do not want to break nobody’s heart. I told her that the other night. But her reply was: don’t worry about me. I know what I am doing… Does she? I doubt it…

Sometimes I think I’d better quit it all. Put myself in a monastery some place far from everything. No telephone lines, no computers, no mail, no noise, no worries, no money… just basic living. Daily activities would be waking up four o’clock in the morning to pray, cleaning up the monastery, pray, do some strenuous work, pray, eat a light mean consisting basically of rice, pray, wonder around a nearby small village begging for small money or selling incense, return and pray until down, then have another light mean, probably some porridge and go to bed after the day’s last prayer. Life would be simple, them. Would I stand it? I’m not sure. But the most remarkable characteristic of the human being is indeed adaptability, so I guess, with time, I would be fine.

That would most certainly give me time to realize what is really important in life. Sometimes I think it’s something I am yet to learn…

I guess yesterday was “meet-people-you-don’t-see-often” day. I had my Instant Messenger on (I use Trillian) when I saw Vicky come online. It had been ages since I last saw her - almost a year. I remembered her birthday in January but did not call as I didn’t think she would remember me. She was at home, not feeling very well, but that didn’t stop us from having fun. We chatted for a long time online, and then I called her just to hear her voice a bit. She’s got this very sexy voice with a delicious British accent. Of course she says otherwise, but it’s true. She also insists she is not beautiful. Well, I think she is. And I bet Mike, her boyfriend thinks so too. They have been together for a long time now. He’s a good fellow and they make a nice couple. I was very sad to hear he was hospitalized with some not so common physical condition. Doctors were considering operating, which would be very bad. But Vicky says he’s going to be fine.

I also met Monique online. Now, this is a story I have to tell you… A few days ago, I got out of bed very early and was browsing the Net looking for WebCam softwares that I could use at home as an unsophisticated surveillance system. I already have one, but it hangs from time to time which makes it very ineffective. So, I was searching the Net at the usual places for software (e.g. downloads.com, hotfiles.com etc) without much luck. I went to Google, typed “Free Web Cam Software” and waited from the results. One of the URLs I got was this Video Chat web site. I followed the link to find no trace of software but lots of webcams available. Amongst the “big this”, “huge that” and “gonna do whatever” webcams, there was one named “From The Heart”. Being the silly romantic I am, that was the one that called my attention.

I joined the chat to find one of the sweetest persons I have ever met. Monique (not her real name, of course) was so kind, so attentive and so sweet we kept chatting for a long time. I told her her camera wasn’t working (at least, not for me) and she sent me pictures by email. She is GORGEOUS! Now, if you have been reading my posts, you know that I do appreciate beauty but I am not shallow. I value honesty, kindness and intelligence over good looks. But when you put all those together plus beauty, you get me hooked. And Monique is exactly like that. She’s charming, smart, gentle, understanding and incredibly beautiful. She’s got a big heart, cares for homeless people, helps her community, works in a humanitarian job and seems to be one of those people who really get touched by others’ small gestures of sympathy or cruelty. The kind of girl I could easily fall in love with. I later discovered she’s from Romania, a country I have always been curious about and always wanted to visit; that only added to my attraction to her. Again, yesterday we talked for a long time. And time flies when I am talking to her…

I was supposed to meet her online this morning, but I over slept and lost my appointment. Argh! To think that some people actually regard me as an intelligent guy! How stupid was this? I missed my appointment!

Well, Yo called me yesterday and asked if I wanted to go have dinner in China Town. It would be interesting with all the festivities for Chinese New Year and all (four days of festivities). So I went. There was a big parade. Lots of people. We had dinner, I took some pictures of the place, the Chinese dragons, the lanterns and decoration and then I got bored of being squeezed while trying to walk. Too many people. And I don’t quite appreciate crowds. I returned to the hotel after dinner and finished the night watching “Shrek” on TV. But then it was already – I don’t know – 3am? Yeah, maybe. That’s why I missed my appointment with Monique. I hope I see her tonight or tomorrow morning. I miss her already! (grin)