You are all going to die down here!

Or so said the Red Queen!

And I say: Yeah, Sweetie; Now tell me something I do not know! Because, as far as I know, I’ve been dying since the day I was born. Now, it’s just a matter of counting days and trying hard to make the most out of them.

And I mentioned before, another 15 years should be enough to see my son a grown up, well educated man, living and leading his own life. As of now, this is all that really matters. Unless of course, I manage to find my soul mate, who will sweep me off my feet and bring me back to life. Make me believe in love again. That would be nice, but I’m beginning to think it’s unlikely.

Let’s see... I had an argument with Melody. I was already disappointed with her and her way of dealing with things, but still regarded her as a friend. Then she called, gave me that “Oh, I love you so much” speech and asked me to call back next day. Soft-hearted and needy as I am right now, I fell for it. I started thinking maybe I was being too inconsiderate with her situation and perhaps I should be more understanding. Given the fact I am supposed to go back to the Philippines in a couple of weeks, I started nurturing the idea of having a serious conversation with her and, who knows, give it a try.

Well, that thought did not last long. She had a sudden jealousy attack, triggered by a comment I sent her via SMS, and avoided my calls for two days. I did not know what was happening. Honestly, I thought maybe her mobile (a pre-paid one) had no credits or she had travelled to some remote area with no mobile coverage. But when I finally got through, I was greeted by a totally different person. Not by the same sweet girl who was making me everlasting love promises days before, but by a mean bitter and unaffectionate woman who did not care to listen to what I had to say. Well, fair enough. We did not have anything going before, we might as well keep it like that.

Koi, in Thailand, is still a doll. And still thinks I am a bloody ATM machine. What is wrong with these people!? She sent me an email explaining what happened with the money I had given her so she could make her passport. The passport is yet to be issued but just a couple of days ago she said she had to send money to her parents and asked if I could help. It broke my heart to say no. But I was already hurting when she asked. Nothing ever changes...

The sisters are calling again. I deserve it! They probably know Koi and I are not doing so fine after all. I am a prey at large. “Look! The ‘jai dee’ foreigner is free again!” Is it worth it? I’m afraid not.

Ok, so – as the sales guys would say – what’s in the pipeline? Erm... Nothing! There’s nothing in the pipeline. No one. Not a single soul. Right now, I am waiting for Lord Almighty to have mercy on me and give me some pointers, cause I really do not know where to look anymore.

And I just realized: I am like wine! With age, I am getting… Bitter!