Trading six for half a dozen

I’ve been spending time with Noor. We met on Monday, watched the new Tomb Raider movie on Wednesday, had dinner yesterday and today she followed me to an Aikido dojo and then home for another DVD session. She’s nice but I am beginning to get bothered by a few things.

For example, we met several times this week and if it depended on her, we would have spent even more time together, meaning ‘every day’. I certainly enjoy the company but I need my own time to do my own things in my own pace, whenever I want. And though she will say “oh, yes, I do not want to interfere with your work or private time, honey” such statement will soon be followed by the question “so, what are you doing tomorrow? Can we meet again?”.

And all this comes after a long chat on Wednesday. That day, after the movie, I made an attempt to make it clear she’s going too fast, in my opinion, a sure way to have a heartache later. Relationship is a mutual thing, I’ve been learning. When one is not in the same pace as the other, things are bound to go wrong. As they did with the girl ‘whose eyes punched holes in my soul’. You do remember, don’t you? She never wrote again. I scared the poor thing away.

It makes me think: J used to complain I did not have time for her; quite an unfair statement as we were always going out for movies, dinners and/or other activities. If Noor, not even a girlfriend yet, already feels ‘neglected’ in spite of all the time we spent together during the past few weeks, where is this going to lead? This is, as we say in my country, “trading six for half a dozen”.

All these frustrated relationships make me think a lot about J. Every time something goes wrong, I think about her and how much we had in common. I guess this ‘behaviour’ will only stop when I fall in love again. But till then, how do I avoid it? And the fact she keeps sending me messages doesn’t help either. Which is, as I mentioned, exactly what she wants. She’s smart, that girl.

She replied to my email. The last one. My reply to hers. I knew it was a bad move to reply, I knew it! So, she came back with the sweetest message, so apologetic, saying she didn’t really mean the things she said. It was just that she cares and lately I have been on her mind a lot (oops! Am I to blame?).

So… My dearest friend in the Philippines says J is the one for me. I have to avoid meeting my uncle online because he always asks “Are you back with J yet? No?!? Give the girl another chance…”. My love life is getting nowhere. My sex life sucks (not literally, unfortunately). And I am not getting any younger. Will I get to my 40s alone? Shoo, shoo – scary thought! Will someone help, please? I am getting very vulnerable here. If J calls, I will have to hang up on her! I am getting very easy to convince and she always has the right speech and arguments for coming back. That would be a really bad move…