How are things different?
Hmmm... How should I start? First, the feeling is different. All the other times we broke up (all too many to count), I was left with a feeling that things were not over yet. A "wait-for-the-next-episode" kind of thing. This time, that feeling is not there. Then, there is the *other* feeling. The heart feeling. Before, whenever she left, I missed her. It used to be day after day of struggle between the heart and the brain. The emotion against the reasoning. Part of me saying it was for the best, the other part sobbing silently and wishing she would return. This time, much to my surprise I must confess, I there is no struggle. Maybe, finally, the heart gave in and accepted the fact the brain had always been right in regard to her...

Some breaking news: As I was typing this I got a message from my best friend, back in Brazil. He just wanted to tell me he managed to take 70 pictures of my son this last weekend. Maybe I did not mention this before but I was married and I have a 5-year-old who lives in US with his mom. He happens to be in Brazil right now and my friend new I would love to have pictures of him. So, I was saying, he said he took 70 photos of my kiddo and wanted to know how he could send them to me. I called him and after chatting a bit he asked quite hesitantly:

- Tell me, do you still think of taking "her" back?

I told him "No" but was puzzled by his question and just had to ask why. Then he went on explaining that he had visited her in her parent's house and felt very sorry for her situation, the mess the place was and how she looked. He said she went astray. As he entered the house he could see three girls and about eight guys, all looking like bums, hanging around without a purpose. People whose sole purpose in life is to get high, wasting their youth on meaningless activities. Some, probably doing worst than that... He said she looked embarrassed with the situation and the confirmation came when she asked if she could move in with him. I could not help but feel really sorry and sad. Trust me; she is so beautiful and so smart. It's such a waste to let things go the way they are going for her now. But, again, to my surprise, that was the only feeling I had. I felt pity. I felt sorry for her. I felt sorry for HER choices. Nothing more. No remorse. No regrets. And really no intentions to bring her back. Seriously, for the first time since I met her I am HAPPY without her. Should I be ashamed? No, I don't think so...