Funny how things you do affect other people. Sometimes people you would least expect. Sometimes people you don’t notice or never even realized cared. This is what happened: I had to send a fax back to the office in Singapore so I stopped by the business centre at the hotel. The receptionist is a kind and attentive woman who developed a friendly relationship with J, as she was there everyday. After the fax was sent, she asked me how she was (J, that is) and I said that was a sad story.

I explained that J went to Brazil for the holidays (Xmas and New Year's) and fell in love with the same guy she used to spend afternoons chatting with over the internet, right there at the business centre; therefore, she wasn’t coming back. The lady at first was shocked, and then she was sad. She started apologizing for asking whilst I kept saying it was “OK”. She kept going and wouldn’t stop, saying “Sorry, sorry. I shouldn’t have asked. I’m sorry!” I told her it was no big deal and actually I was looking for a Thai girlfriend, one who would love me and be faithful to me. But she wouldn’t listen, so embarrassed she was. I left the place without really knowing if she was so much affected because of my situation, because she liked J or simply because she could not believe such an absurd story.

I don’t know why, but in fact this reinforces a feeling I have since J returned to Brazil. Sad as it is, I really feel I am better off without her. I know this is not a nice thing to say but it is true. I lost weight, I have been exercising daily and I still have time to study and do my personal things, even if it’s just browsing the internet. When J was around, my life was all about making her happy. But no matter how hard I tried to please her, she always had complaints. She used to say everything was about me but never cherished things we did together, things she wanted to do. When I started going to the gym, she followed once and that was it. Whenever I invited her, she would say she was too tired or too sore to go. I stopped going to be with her and do whatever she felt like doing. We went to pubs and bars and I even volunteered to take her dancing, which is not really my cup. But nothing was good enough for her. I wonder if she is happy now, for I am!

I usually tell friends one should try to be in a relationship where the partner pushes you forward in life. Avoid the ones where the partner drags you down or holds you back. And I don’t mean professionally only. I am talking about being supportive, understanding, cheering you up when you are down, helping you plan the future, being there to comfort you when you fail or to celebrate with you when you succeed; Someone to worry about your well being, to patiently listen when you are grumpy and mumbling about things that went wrong at work, to put you back in a good mood. It’s not an easy task, I know. But think about it and you will see this is what everybody is looking for, yourself included. Sometimes, even though we know that is what we want, we just seem to “forget” about it and settle for less. Only when life slaps us hard in the face we wake up for the facts. We find ourselves giving more than we receive, putting up with things we really do not have to, just for the sake of avoiding conflict or making the partner happy. And, if we do that long enough, we start thinking this is the way it goes. I did! But guess what: It is WRONG! It doesn’t have to be like that. As the saying goes “You can’t love nobody unless you love yourself”; if you are honest to your feelings and needs, someone will love you for what you are, not what you can do. From there, "giving back" is just the natural course of things...