Good Lord, It’s so good to be back home!!! Even if just for a few days. I got here Saturday afternoon. The flight was delayed as usual (it's turing into a rule for Singapore Airlines) but I managed to get home before 15:30. I was so tired… I did not sleep in the plane, I never manage to. It’s just amazing, some people can fall asleep so easily! I just can’t do it. I was trying to take a nap, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t. I only started feeling a bit sleepy when we were about to touch down. Hardly the right time, isn't it? (pout)

Anyway, I got home, took a shower and went directly to bed. I thought I was going to pass out until Sunday morning but 2 hours of sleep did the trick and I managed to go to Funan IT Mall and buy my new Digital Camera. It’s an Olympus. Another one. I was considering the Sony but, compared to the Olympus, its zoom is so… lame! It’s only a 5x optical zoom with 2x digital, 10x times altogether, right? I guess it is fine for most people but once you had an Olympus, 10x optical zoom and 2x digital, amazing 30x altogether, well... you find it difficult to settle for less. So, in the end, I remained faithful to the brand, even though they did not reply to my mail messages asking what model I should buy.

I got to bed at 0:00, woke up at 11:00, excercised a bit and got ready to have lunch with Joseph. He has become more than just a good landlord. He has become a good friend. His wife was sick with a bad flu (poor thing) but he and the kids drove me around and kept me company until 16:30.

It was then that I started collecting J stuff to send her. I was lucky things were somewhat organized so it didn’t take me much time to get her clothes and belongings all piled up in a corner of the room. I did not find her documents, though. I’ll look for them later. Whatever they are, she probably doesn’t need them in a hurry. I mean, if they were important she would have taken them to Brazil, wouldn’t she? It’s probably her authorization to travel and school papers, I guess. She won’t need them to start studying again. At least I don’t think so. Yeah, I guess not, otherwise she would have sent a message saying so. Besides, I told her I was going to come back to Singapore just in January so… It can wait a bit. If I don’t find them, I can always send an email and ask her. I’m not calling, though. If I do, her mom will want to talk to me, start crying on the phone etc. Or J might treat me harshly and I would be very upset. Not because I care – I couldn’t care less – but because I do not deserve it. And she’s got a way of doing to me things I do not deserve. Oh, well… Let's not get started!

As I was gathering her things I couldn’t help but think about her a bit. It was really unfair what she did. Again! Sometimes I think she never loved me. Other times, I think she did (or does) but not enough. And then, some other times I think she really did, and just didn’t know how this ‘love thing’ works. She never really had a good example at home. The relationship her parents have is a mix of love and hate and infidelity. How can she love someone? I feel sorry for her. And sometimes I feel sorry for *me* as well! Then I remind myself not to give excuses to her and her own choices.

In the end, do you want to know what really matters? I will tell you what really matters: I loved her! Truthfully, dearly, faithfully. I loved her. I loved her when she was young; I loved her when she got older. I loved her she put on weight. I loved her even when she was a pest (which unfortunately, was quite often lately). And though I know I was not loved back in the same way or intensity, I do not regret it. It was good. And I knew she was going to leave me someday. I thought it would be later, but I knew it was going to happen. The story repeats itself. I give them wings and they fly away…