She’s gone… Kwan is gone… Why do I suddenly feel this emptiness? Why am I trembling and sad? We spent just two days together. We didn’t do much; just walked, talked, had innocent fun together. I did this with other girls during these past few weeks. Why is the feeling different? Here I sit, trying to understand these mixed emotions, trying oh so hard to sort out what it is that I am really feeling… And I can’t!

What was different with her? What did she do that set off this strange long forgotten feelings in me? Was it the way she looked at me? Was it her soft hands holding mine? Was it the kind way she kept feeding me popcorn at the movie cinema? I don’t know!!!

I just know that when I looked at her, I could see her soul, immaculate, unmarked, smiling back at me as if daring me to take a chance and learn how to love again. Do I dare try? Do I deserve her heart and attention? Can I really forget all the previous experiences and start anew? And, is there a risk I will turn such a wonderful person into the “thing” I became? Can she wash away the mud and find the real me, buried so long ago? Can she tame the wolf? Turn beast into beauty?

I have been looking for a good “bad girl” and life sends me the perfect “good girl”. What should I do? Is she the one the Tarot cards said was going to give me the best years of my life? I need answers and I just can’t find them… But one thing I know for sure: I miss her already. And I can’t wait to meet her again.

Part of me is saying that by the end of the week this feeling will be gone. That all I need is another round of fun in Bangkok and I’ll be fine again. And yet, another part of me whispers softly that this “fun” I’ve been having is meaningless, null. I don’t know… I can’t think strait right now…